


Realizations

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drama, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-26
Updated: 2009-06-29
Packaged: 2018-09-06 07:52:37
Rating: Teen & Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 20,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8741347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Jared begins to realize that he has feelings for Jensen, but he is in denial and avoids Jensen completely at all costs. Eventually, Jensen gets fed up and confronts him about his behavior and Jared finally admits both to himself and to Jensen how he is really feeling...will Jensen return those feelings or reject them?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

“Dude, it is effing cold!” Jared whined, as he and Jensen were walking on the docks of the lake nearby the house they shared while filming. 

It was too cold to go running, but he felt weird not doing something, so he forced Jensen to go on a walk with him. Misery truly does love company. 

“Eh, you wuss!” Jensen accused, “It’s only, like, 20 or something. That’s warm for Ca-na-da.” He misprinted it, saying it like a child would, making Jared chuckle.

“Yeah, but hello. Texas blood over here--anything under 50 is, like, torture to me.”

Jensen smirked, “I have Texas blood too, you pansy. Pick another excuse.”

“Bite me,” Jared said, lightly shoving Jensen, making him laugh.

“Where? When? What position?…how hard?” Jensen made a suggestive face, puckering up his lips and making a kissing noise, as Jared stopped to look at him and smiled.

“We’ve been through this, Jensen, kinky is not my style. So either no more kinky or the sex stops now, capiche.”

Jensen gasped dramatically, “Yeah, right, we both know you can’t live without having sex with me on a daily basis; you wouldn’t last two minutes.”

Jared smiled and shook his head, amused, “Touche.” They walked to the end of the dock, before he said, “Oh, God.”

“What?” 

“It’s cold!” He said again as the wind picked up, freezing him even more. He crossed his arms across his chest and began bouncing up and down in an effort to warm up. “This is friggin’ ridiculous.”

“No, what’s friggin’ ridiculous is that you are being such a little girl about it.” Jensen corrected, “What is with you, man?” 

“Nothing,” Jared said, defensively, “I’m just really cold.”

“Jared, if you wanted to borrow my jacket, all you had to was ask.” Jensen said, with a smile, as he made to take it off.

“Stop it.” Jared backhanded his arm, before walking to the very end of the dock. 

Jensen chuckled, “Just being polite, man, no need to get all stingy on me.” 

Jared breathed an irritated chuckle and took a step forward, but the end of the dock gave out on him and broke off, sending him falling into the water. 

He came back up, gasping for breath, trembling with the cold and shock. “Oh, God!” He choked out, coughing and spluttering to get all the water out.

Jensen struggled to stifle his laughter. “Hey, man. You okay?”

“Define okay.” Jared stopped talking to swim over to the edge and grabbed onto the now damaged edge of the dock. “I’ll…survive.”

Jensen burst out laughing hysterically, doubling over in fits of laughter, as he scrambled his way over to Jared, struggling to do so with how hard he was laughing. “Here, man…let me help you.” He broke off into new fits of laughter as he reached Jared and stretched out his hand to help him out.

Jared grasped his hand as firmly as he could, before saying, “Oh, no, please let me help you.” He dragged Jensen into the water with him, grunting with the effort as he did so.

Jensen came back up, reacting just like Jared had, as Jared now laughed at him. “Aw…what happened?” Jared said, feigning concern.

“Oh, son of a bitch, dude.” Jensen gasped, “WTF; I didn’t even do nothing to you.”

“That’s what you get,” Jared said, laughing again, “Oh, man. That was great; thanks, man. You made it all worth it.”

He clapped him on the back a couple of times before Jensen whipped around and dunked him, holding him under the water for a few seconds before letting him come back up for breath. 

Then, he dunked him again, several more times, before Jared finally managed to choke out. “Dude, dude, dude! Holy crap, man. Do you wanna kill me?”

Jensen shrugged, “Just returning the favor. Sorry ’bout that; got a little carried away.”

“A little? I’ll show you a little carried away, you little bitch.”

Then, he lunged for him in the water and they began wrestling, though it wound up looking more like a cat fight than anything else. He got Jensen in a headlock and spun him around rapidly.

“Ow! Ow, ow. Dude, get off me. Jared, I’m not kidding. Jared. I said get the f--”

At that moment, his knee accidentally pressed against Jared’s groin and he meant to pull it back, but shifted his weight, incidentally pressing it even further into Jared’s groin.

Jared felt nothing but some unexplained indescribable pleasure at the sensation, but covered up by pretending to be hurt. At first, he let out a soft involuntary moan of approval, but covered it up by saying, “OW! Oh, God. Damn, that hurts.”

He let Jensen go and backed away immediately, shoving himself as far away from Jensen as possible. 

“Oh, I didn’t even get you that hard, you big baby.” Jensen said, making Jared’s eyes widen in fear.

“What?” His voice cracked slightly. How did he know that; they weren’t even that close.

Jensen didn’t notice Jared’s reaction though--any of them--and rolled his eyes in response, “Fine, I’m sorry, okay? You happy? Now, let’s get out of here before you break a nail, ’kay?”

He moved aside to let Jared go first. “Ladies first?”

Jared glared at him for a split second, before smacking his shoulder. “Man, would you stop with that? I am no a freakin’ girl.” 

“Not what you said last night,” Jensen said, suggestively.

“Oh, God.” Jared rolled his eyes and waited for Jensen to get out first. 

Jensen offered a hand to Jared and he took it immediately, using it to help pull himself out of the water. Without thinking, Jensen pulled Jared into him slightly, to get him away from the edge and placed hand on his pec, while the other still held his hand. “You good?” He asked, not noticing the look on Jared’s face.

Oh, God, yes, Jared thought, looking down at Jensen’s hand and raising his eyebrows slightly, his mind already straying to other things. 

Jensen tightened his hold on Jared’s hand to get his attention and said, “Hey! You listening to me, man?”

“Huh?” Jared snapped out of it.

“You listening to me?” Jensen repeated, “Or does the sunset have something more important to say?”

“Mm, sorry, I was a bit distracted; what was that?”

“I said I think we’ve had enough fun for one day; I’m wiped; what do you say we go home and sleep it off together, huh?” 

“Yeah, yeah, no!” Jared said, as his mind immediately strayed to what he really wanted to do. 

He spoke a little too defensively though because Jensen released him and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “Okay, fine. I just…thought you’d be tired. Never mind. Jeez.”

“No, no, I wasn’t talking to you, Jensen.” Jared said, apologetically, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Sorry. I didn’t mean you.”

“Are those damn voices in your head talkin’ to you again? How many times have I told you to just tell them to shut the hell up and to go bother someone else? That’s what I do and it works every single time. It’s remarkable.” Jensen joked.

“Oh, why don’t you just shut the hell up, huh, you freakin’ smart-ass.” Jared said, irritably, “That is not funny.”

“Hm.” Jensen grimaced, “Whatever. It’s your sanity. Let’s just get home; I’m freakin’ freezing over here. That water’s gotta be at least below 0.”

“Yeah,” Jared said, looking back at the water, though right now he felt freakishly hot. “At least.”

“You okay over there?” Jensen said, noticing how distant Jared had become.

“Don’t know yet.” He admitted, knowing that he could lie to Jensen for days on end until he was blue in the face and he’d still see right through it. Jensen just knew him too damn well for even the best lie in the world to get past him. 

“Let me know when you do?” Jensen asked, looking at Jared, as they continued on walking.

“Always do,” Jared promised, “I’ll be fine. Promise.”

“Okay,” Jensen didn’t sound like he believed him, but he let it go, knowing that Jared would confide in him when he was ready to. He never pushed him on stuff like this; he figured if it was something that Jared wanted him to know, he’d tell him in good time, and if not, then it was none of his damn business. So, instead of prodding, he merely changed the subject.

“So, burgers or pizza?”

“Pizza, hands down, man.” Jared said, in an obvious-tone, “I don’t wanna go anywhere, and they’ll bring pizza to you.” 

“And, if we get thirsty?”

“They sell drinks; just get a 3-liter whatever; I don’t care. Surprise me.”

“Okay. And--”

“Dominos.”

“How--”

“Three pizzas.”

“When--”

“Half hour, at lest.”

“God, that is amazing.” Jensen feigned shock, “Unbelievable, how you can finish my sentences like that.”

“Yeah, well. Product of five years together; I know you by heart, Jen.” He hoped Jensen didn’t notice his breath hitch and his heart rate speed up with those words. His eyes widened and he mumbled a small, “God, I’m going to hell.”

Jensen didn’t notice, or if he did, he didn’t acknowledge it, but rather shrugged, “Aw, that’s so sweet; stop it some more. Race you home?” He said, abruptly, already running off.

Jared smiled and stared after Jensen, trying to analyze just the what the hell was going on with him. It would take him forever to do so, though, so he just decided it would be better to do it later and ran on after Jensen.

“Yo, Jensen! Wait up, man! Wait! Wait for me! Wait!” He heard Jensen laugh, which drove him only faster. God, he had never really noticed the sound of his laugh before; something about it was just so…comforting. He couldn’t explain it.

Oh, God, not again; just shut the hell up, you hear me? He silently scolded himself. You can’t think about Jensen like that; he’s Jensen. Ugh. 

But, even as he thought those words, he ran even faster, desperate to catch up to Jensen, for reasons even he didn’t understand. Reasons he could never understand.


	2. Chapter 2

  
Author's notes: FYI, the next few chapters will be hardcore angsty, but it will all be worth it when they make up for it with the "hardcore sex" as Jensen likes to call it. lol Just bear with me.  


* * *

Jared watched with great intensity, almost mesmerized, as Jensen too a bite out of his seventh slice of pizza--seventh slice in the third box, that is--some of the cheese sticking to his chin in an adorable manner. 

Jared’s mouth involuntarily fell open as he thought about what he wanted to do to help remove that cheese, followed by some other…possible activities:

Maybe he could…shove Jensen onto his back, wrench his legs open and slide up in between them, reach his lips to Jensen’s before very slowly tracing his lower lip with the tip of his own tongue, before entwining it with Jensen’s, while his hand slid down Jensen’s chest to rest just above…oh, God!

“Dude, what’s your problem?” Jensen asked, through a huge mouthful of pizza, breaking Jared out of his trance. 

“What?” Jared’s voice was slightly higher than usual, in embarrassment at getting caught. “Nothing. I’m fine, man. Nothing’s, uh…nothing’s wrong; what makes you think something’s wrong?” He shifted his weight awkwardly and exhaled shakily.

“Because you only ate, like, half a bite of half a bite of your pizza after you begged me to get three freakin’ boxes. And, you only look at me like that when you’re trying to hide something from me.”

Jared shrugged, “Well, I’m not hiding anything from you. Promise.”

“Liar,” Jensen accused. Jared’s lie would’ve been believable had Jensen not known him so damn well. To just anyone else, his words would not have been doubted in the least, but Jensen knew Jared better than that. He knew all his little habits and idiosyncrasies he had when it came to lying. 

“What?” Jared repeated, sounding insulted by the accusation.

“Don’t you lie to me,” Jensen narrowed his eyes, “Come on. What’s up?”

“Nothing’s up.” Jared said, defensively, “Just…leave me alone, would you? God. I told you, I’m fine.”

“I never said anything was wrong.” Jensen corrected, in a light tone, trying to get rid of the tension. “And, don’t you take that tone with me, boy; I will rough you up all kinds of hardcore. Look, is it so wrong that I’m just a little worried about you? I just want to help.”

“Well, you can’t. I’m sorry, man. I didn’t mean to be so short with you. I just have to--it’s something I have to deal with myself…you understand?”

Jensen nodded, “Sure. And, you understand that I’m here? If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”

Jared smiled slightly, “Yeah, I know. Maybe I’ll take you up on that. You know…once I figure out what the hell it is for myself.”

“All right, you do that. In the meantime…” he shoved the rest of the pizza slice he was holding in his mouth, rubbed his hands rapidly together to get rid of the crumbs, and tossed the empty pizza box onto the floor along with the others. “Up for a movie? Dark Knight? Transformers? Some Die Hard?”

Jared nodded, eager to take his mind off of Jensen. “Sure. Yeah. Whatever.”

“Okay. Where’s the damn remote?” Jensen began looking around for it, not moving, just looking around the space where he sat. “Oh, damn it. Where the hell did it--” He saw it on the coffee table next to Jared and caught himself. “Oh, there it is.”

He stretched out across Jared to get it, but he accidentally knocked it off and had to shift his weight to reach it. “Oh, you little bitch.” He swore, shifting his weight again, in order to be able to reach the remote, but he slipped and made to catch himself with his arm, but wound up hitting Jared’s groin with his elbow. “Oops. Sorry,” Jensen said, not noticing Jared’s “reaction”. 

“Oh, God,” Jared swore, stiffening up underneath Jensen’s touch, stifling a grunt at how strangely amazing he felt as a result of that. 

To avoid getting too happy, so to speak, no pun intended, Jared shoved Jensen off and jumped to his feet. “Whoa, dude--” Jensen began, but Jared interrupted him.

“On second thought, I forgot I have to go take a shower. I, uh, can’t--I can’t do this! ‘Night, buddy.”

“But, Jared, wait--” Jensen began, but Jared was already running off to the bathroom and he slammed the door behind himself, before Jensen could stop him. 

“DON’T USE UP ALL THE HOT WATER!” Jensen yelled after him, simply staring down the hall after Jared, confused. What the hell was going on? This was so weird.

“I WON’T!” Jared yelled back, from the bathroom, turning the shower on to as cold as he could possibly get it, but as he put his hand underneath the showerhead to feel the ice cold water against his skin, it did absolutely nothing to help him.

He exhaled shakily and walked over to the mirror to look at himself. What was happening to him? He sighed and buried his face miserably in his hands, shaking his head, “My God. What am I supposed to do?”

He straightened back up and took off his shirt, while simultaneously removing his shoes with his feet. He made to unbutton his jeans when Jensen began banging on the door, startling him.

“Dude, let me in.”

“No!” Jared said, immediately thinking nasty at that. 

“Come on, man, I need some tissue.”

“Go get some from your bathroom,” Jared suggested.

“It’s way on the other side of the house; that’s too far. Come on, have a heart, man.” 

Jared opened his mouth to protest, and grunted softly, but then sighed resignedly. “Fine.”

He opened the door and Jensen walked in, with a sheepish smile, “Thanks, man. Sorry. I’m a lazy bum. Where’s your tissues?”

“The…cupboard.” Jared gestured to it, and then pretended to scratch his ear to cover his eyes, averting his eyes so as to not get even more distracted and confused by how gorgeous Jensen looked without any effort at all. 

Jensen opened the cupboard, which was so jam-packed full of stuff that some of it came falling out, hitting Jensen. An open bottle of rubbing alcohol fell over, spilling all over Jensen’s shirt.

“Aw, damn it.” Jensen sounded disappointed as he spoke, making Jared turn around.

“Oops.” Jared said, walking over to help him clean up the mess. “Sorry, I guess I was in a hurry.”

“You think?” Jensen said, irritably, but negated it with a smile. “Damn it, man, this is my favorite shirt. Now it’s ruined.”

“I said I’m sorry.” Jared sounded somewhat stung, “What’s the big deal? It’s just a shirt, man, wash it and get over it.”

“The big deal is this is the shirt you gave me.” Jensen admitted, with a slight shrug, “It’s a big deal to me.”

“Oh,” was all Jared could manage to say, “Right.” Then, he concentrated on cleaning up the mess, while Jensen stared at him, struggling to analyze what the hell was going on.

Damn it, since when did Jared keep stuff from him? What couldn’t he tell him? They told each other everything. Did he do something to piss Jared off and not realize it? He grimaced slightly as he watched Jared acting as if nothing was wrong, but knew that it was all crap. 

“Jared.” He said, with a soft sigh.

“Hm?” Jared didn’t look at him, needing to distract himself in whatever ways possible.

“Well, can you at least look at me; am I really that ugly?”

No, he was just that…damn…effing…hot. “Of course not; don’t be ridiculous,” Jared said, awkwardly, still not looking at him. 

“Of course you can’t look at me, or of course I’m not that ugly?” Jensen challenged, “To be honest, I really prefer the second one.”

Jared rolled his eyes and whipped around to face him. “Will you grow up?”

“Will you?” Jensen challenged right back, “I mean, come on, Jared, aren’t we a little old for secrets? What the hell is going on here? Please tell me. Why can’t you trust me? You’re practically my brother, man, and I know you feel the same way about me.”

Well, not exactly.

“I trust you with my life.” Jensen continued, “So why can’t you trust me now?”

Jared simply stared at Jensen, not knowing what else to do. “My shower’s getting cold.” He said, coldly, “Please leave. Now.”

“Jared--”

“Jensen, I’m begging you.”

“Fine,” Jensen relented, “Whatever. I’ll just…go. Guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” He grabbed the tissues and then made to leave. 

Before he actually left, though, he placed a hand on Jared’s bare shoulder, making Jared wince slightly, closing his eyes in order to not imagine where he really wanted that hand to be.

“Take it easy, buddy.” Jensen said, “I’m here for you. ’Night.” 

Then, he left and Jared immediately slammed the door on him, stripped down completely, and jumped in the shower to calm down, but even the below freezing water had no effect whatsoever on the intense heat, except to increase it and make it even more unbearable. 

He couldn’t help but let his mind wander to other things as he thought about what he would like to do to Jensen in this shower, dying a thousand deaths of fire and heat, and fire and heat, and oh yes, fire and more heat.


	3. Chapter 3

  
Author's notes: And, so it begins...  


* * *

The next morning, Jared laid wide awake in his bed. He hadn’t slept once all night--too busy trying to figure out just what the hell was going on with him…not a second of sleep, and he had no success. Nothing that didn’t lead right back to his musings and desires to have sex with Jensen. 

He exhaled shakily and rolled onto his side to see his clock read 9:30. They were still on hiatus, so he was able to “sleep in”. Nonetheless, though, he couldn’t stay in his room all day or Jensen would get suspicious and he sure as hell couldn’t avoid Jensen all day either, so all he could do…was run. Fort he time being, at least.

Jensen would be waking up any minute now, and he could not know about Jared’s issues or more questions would ensue that Jared could not even answer to himself right now. 

Jared sat up with a grunt and weary, “Oh, God,” before running a hand through his hair to make it look like it had been slept on, which honestly was not hard to do, but still.

Then, he stood up and mumbled, “Here we go. Oh, God, please help me.”

 

Jared walked out into the kitchen, the smell of pancakes, waffles, French toast, sausage, bacon, eggs, and OJ to greet him. While that smell usually smelled amazing to him, today it merely made him feel nauseous. 

Still, he didn’t show it to Jensen as he saw him, walking around the kitchen, wearing an apron. What the hell; Jensen didn’t cook. “What’s all this?” Jared asked, eyeing the food and struggling to look happy about it, not disgusted. 

Jensen turned to face him and said, “ ‘Morning, sleeping beauty. Frame this moment in time; I think this is the first time in history you have slept in longer that I have. Imagine that, huh? Feelin’ any better?” 

Jared didn’t mention that he actually never did go to sleep last night, but rather avoided the subject completely. “Yeah, but…what’s up with this? I mean, you in the kitchen, wearing an apron. God, it’s a scary thought. You don’t even cook.”

Jensen shrugged, looking insulted, “What do you mean ‘I don’t cook’; I cook.”

“Putting bread in the toaster and turning it on does not qualify as cooking, Jensen. Seriously…what’s going on? And, please, God, tell me you didn’t make it yourself.” 

“What; I can’t cook at all then?”

“Jensen. If you made this meal, it would be a nice charcoal black, the smoke detectors would be going crazy, and I doubt it would be edible. No, you can’t cook at all. Admit it. You didn’t cook this meal.”

Jensen shrugged again, before giving in, “I got it at the diner down the street; I took it out of the containers to make you think I made it.”

“Uh-huh…and the apron?”

“I think it adds a little something, don’t you? Makes it seem like I slaved and slaved and slaved for you, and damn it, you’d think you’d be grateful, Mr. Selfish. You freakin’ little ingrate anyway. It’s like it’s not good enough for you because I didn’t spend my time in the kitchen or something.”

“I see,” Jared said, glaring at the eggs in front of him, not really seeing them.

“I’m sorry; did my eggs do something to offend you?” Jensen asked, noticing the expression on Jared’s face. 

“Huh, what?” Jared snapped out of it, “No, no. They’re, uh…they’re great. Really. So what is with the whole June Cleaver routine; doesn’t seem like you.”

“Guess it doesn’t, does it?”

“That’s a bit of an understatement.”

Jensen smiled, “Is it wrong for me to something nice for my friend?”

Jared saw right through his façade. “That’s not what this is about.”

“What; Jared. I am insulted that you would think I would make you any of this out of anything other than friendship. Insulted.” He reiterated.

“How stupid do you think I am, man? I know what this is really about.” Jared said, forcing a slight smile, “You’re trying to make me talk.”

Jensen turned around, to avoid looking at Jared, knowing that Jared could see even his deepest secrets by merely looking into his eyes. A good thing at times, sure, but not now. Damn it. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Look, Jensen, I know you’re worried about me and that means a lot; it really does. But, I assure you, I’m fine.”

“Are you really?” Jensen turned back around, no longer denying it. “Jared, I know you, man. And, this is not fine behavior for you. This is you lying to me behavior. You think I don’t know what you’re really thinking? I know, man.”

Jared stiffened up in fear. Oh, God. “You do?” He said, struggling to not show his fears in case it wasn’t what he thought it was.

“Yeah.” Jensen said, approaching him, “Well…not 100% exactly, but I have an idea…and I want to know that I may not know what’s going on with you, but I do want to help you.”

“And…breakfast is gonna help with that?”

Jensen shrugged again, “Maybe not. But, you gotta admit, it’s a start. So what do you say? Got your favorite for you.”

Jared simply stared at him, not knowing what to do, but then decided to just leave Jensen out of this, like he had planned. It was easier for both of them, even though Jensen might not see it just yet. “I’m not hungry.” Jared said, tonelessly, “Thanks, anyway, man. I’ll see you later.” 

He turned around and made to walk off when Jensen stopped him. “Whoa, Jared, where you going, man?” 

“For a run.” Jared said, not turning around to face Jensen, shutting the door behind himself, just leaving Jensen there to stare after him, speechless with confusion.


	4. Chapter 4

  
Author's notes: the REAL chapter 4. sorry about that, i was falling asleep while typing last night, so sorry. hope you enjoy the REAL chapter.  


* * *

Jensen was flicking through the channels on TV randomly, not really seeing anything, but rather more of a distraction. It was a quarter to two in the morning and Jared still hadn’t come home yet. 

He never even called and his cell was turned off, so only God knew if he was okay. Damn it, what the hell was going on? This was so over the line, even for Jared.

“Must’ve been one hell of a run you had, huh?” Jensen asked, to the creeping-Jared in the shadows behind him, who was trying to sneak past him to his room, but Jensen didn’t need to see Jared to know he was there.

“Damn it,” Jared mouthed, hoping Jensen didn’t catch it. 

“I heard that,” Jensen said, shutting off the TV and turning on the lamp on the table beside him, before standing up and turning to face Jared. “So…you wanna tell me where you really were?”

Jared shrugged nonchalantly. “Just out.”

“Oh, out.” Jensen said, sarcastically, “Oh, God, I don’t know why I didn’t think to check there.”

Jared rolled his eyes, “I should’ve called, sorry. Won’t happen again.”

“Dude, what the hell is going on with you? I realize you have to have your privacy and I respect that, I do. But, you’re giving me the cold shoulder and I wanna know why.”

“I told you I’m fine.”

“Jared, don’t lie to me, man; it doesn’t help.”

“I’m not lying.”

“You lied again,” Jensen accused.

“No, I didn’t; I’m telling you, I’m fine.”

“Keep going, Pinocchio.”

“Dude!”

“Don’t even ‘dude’, me, Jared. Just tell me where you were. What were you doing?”

“It doesn’t matter, Jensen. Please just let it go.”

“Why? What aren’t you telling me?” Jensen pushed. 

“Maybe it’s none of your damn business,” Jared said, coldly, “So, why don’t you just get the hell off my back and leave me alone, okay? I said I’m fine; you don’t wanna believe me; that’s your problem. I’m going to bed.” 

Without another word, he shoved his way past Jensen to his room, where he slammed the door shut behind himself.

“Damn it,” he muttered to himself, leaning against the door and sliding down against it to the ground.

He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his forehead miserably against them, wrapping his arms around his legs. Damn it. Jensen was his best friend and he was letting this damn…whatever the hell it was screw up their friendship. How could he let this happen? Why couldn’t he just figure out what was going on so he could fix it? 

He had spent all day sitting on the dock at the lake, just sitting and thinking, trying to pick this thing apart and figure out what it was, again with no success. He hated having to hide this from Jensen and he definitely hated treating him this way, but what else was he supposed to do? 

If he told Jensen the truth, it would most likely scare the hell out of him and things would just become incredibly awkward and uncomfortable, and Jensen would most likely try to move out.

“God, Jensen,” he whispered softly to himself, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” He sighed and buried his face in his hands.

He spent the rest of the night doing exactly this, not moving, not sleeping, not doing anything except what he had done for the past day and a half. Trying to figure this all out before things got out of control.

All he could do for now was to avoid Jensen at all times until it just went away. Right? Seemed like the right thing to do. Even if it wasn’t, it was all he could do. He couldn’t face him right now; he couldn’t bear it. Not that he even understood why, but one thing he knew was that this was his problem and he sure as hell would not drag Jensen into it. No matter what.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning, Jared’s alarm went off at 6:30, and he looked up miserably at it. Still having not reached the slightest clue as to what the hell was happening to him, he decided it best to leave now while Jensen was still asleep. He had to leave now or chances are, he’d run into Jensen and be forced to deal with more questions and risk making the rift between them even bigger.

He stood up, staggered over to shut off the alarm clock, put on his shoes, and then quietly opened his door, shutting it behind himself, and snuck past Jensen’s room.

He made it to the front door no problem without getting caught, up until he touched the doorknob and then Jensen’s voice said, from behind him, “If I didn’t know any better, I would think you’re avoiding me, Jared.”

You’ve gotta be effing kidding me, Jared thought, Damn it, the one time he wakes up earlier than he’s supposed to; WTF, man.

“Either that or breakfast is your treat this morning. You know, since mine was such a big hit yesterday.”

“I, uh, had a sudden craving for some buffalo wings. I didn’t wanna wake you.”

“No, you didn’t.” Jensen accused, “You hate buffalo wings.”

“Yeah, well, things change; I’ll see you later.” 

Jensen roughly grabbed Jared’s arm and jerked him back around. “I’m not letting you go anywhere until you explain to me what the hell is going on.”

“I can’t,” Jared said, eyeing Jensen’s hand, which was tightly gripping the inside of his elbow. Hell, he couldn’t even explain to himself; how was he supposed to explain it to Jensen?

“Try.” Jensen demanded, “Jared, I’m going crazy, man. I don’t know what’s wrong and you won’t trust me. I don’t know if it’s my fault or if I pissed you off or what. And, it’s killing me. I hate it. I hate what’s happening to us, man. You’re my best friend, Jared. So please just…try to explain to me so I can help you.” 

“Sorry, Jensen. I am. But, you trust me so much? Trust me now and know that I would tell you if I thought it would help, I would. But, please understand that you are the one person who can’t help me with this.” 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

“It means that I need to deal with my issues…alone…without you.”

Jensen merely stared at Jared, struggling to make sense of his words and actions, struggling to figure out just what the hell Jared would have to keep hidden from him. Damn it, this was so frustrating.

“Fine.” He relented, releasing Jared’s arm, “Sorry I even bothered.” 

Jared took off, not even acknowledging Jensen’s words, and left him there to simply stare after him.

“You wanna be alone so bad?” Jensen asked to the empty room, once the door was shut, “I’ll be gone by the end of the day.”


	6. Chapter 6

  
Author's notes: SPOILERS: This is a very important, yet confusing chapter. Yes, the whole thing is a dream that Jared had, BUT the first part did actually happen and later on, we will find out that Jensen kind of daydreamed the second part as well. Hopefully, you'll understand, but it will be further clarified later. If you have any problems with it, let me know and I'll be happy to answer any questions you have. Sorry, to be so complicated, but, I swear it'll be worth it later. :(  


* * *

Jensen had begun packing his things, throwing his stuff recklessly, angrily into a suitcase, stopping cold as he came across a picture of him and Jared that had fallen out of one of his drawers. He bent down to pick it up and then sat down on the bed, examining it closer:

They were at the bar that they always went to after work, sitting next to each other on a couple of bar stools. 

Jared had both his legs and arms wrapped around Jensen from the side, the side of his head resting against Jensen’s cheek and he looked freakin’ wasted. Jensen was laughing hysterically and his arms were looped through Jared’s. 

This was a trick they liked to play after they had had more than their fair share of drinks. They would get all up in each other’s grill to just to freak the other customers out.

Jensen smiled at the memory and touched his fingertips lightly to the picture. He exhaled shakily and shook his head, “God, Jared…” he grimaced, “What the hell do you want from me?” 

Realization dawned on Jensen, and he knew what he had to do. What did Jared want from him? Only one way to find out--Jared would most likely be gone all day again, so Jensen could rummage through his room for a bit until he found some clue as to what Jared was hiding from him.

Jared was more open with Jensen than he was with even his own family, telling Jensen stuff no one else never knew about him. Hell, after a couple of beers in him, only months after meeting Jensen, Jared was spilling about the first girl he had sex with--maybe a little too much detail included-- and Jensen always knew just what buttons to push to get the man to talk.

Aside from “conveniently forgetting” to give Jensen a message or two from Kripke to get him in trouble, there was very little he hid from Jensen. Something was definitely up and damn it, Jensen was bound and determined to figure out what that was.

With that, he knocked the suitcase off the bed with his forearm to empty it, and then left to go to Jared’s room to see what was going on. 

 

Once he reached Jared’s room, he banged the door open, only to see Jared sitting on his bed, looking miserable. Crap. 

“Dude, knock much?” Jared demanded, jumping to his feet.

“Since when do I have to knock?” Jensen demanded right back. 

“What? This is my room, Jensen.” Jared reminded him, crossly. 

“Yeah, and I’ll get out of here just as soon as you talk to me.”

“I do not want to talk.”

“I don’t give a damn what you want. This is so not about just you anymore, Jared.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No…it’s about us.”

Jared froze up with those words as he simply stared at Jensen. “Us?” He repeated the word, numbly.

“Us.” Jensen reiterated, more firmly, “Look, man, I respect you more than anyone else in the world. I look up to you more than you could ever know--and your height has nothing to do with it. One thing I have learned from knowing you is that you…are the man I want to be. You have…no idea…no idea.” 

“What?” Jared asked, softly, “What are you saying?” 

Jensen grimaced painfully, before looking to Jared again, forcing himself to not meet his eyes, “I’m saying that…if you want me to move out, if you want me to leave, all you have to do is ask.” 

Jared’s eyes widened, in fear at the thought, “What; no, Jensen! No. Please. What the hell would give you that idea?” 

“You the hell would give me that idea.” Jensen sounded appalled that Jared didn’t know. “I mean, the cold shoulders, the ten-second time periods of seeing you, only to have you get all bitchy and storm out on me, the pathetic arguments over the most ridiculous things; I mean, take your pick. If you don’t want me here anymore, I wish you would just tell me and get it over with. I can just stay with Misha or something until I find a new place.”

“No, damn it, Jensen, that is not it. I don’t want you to go.”

“Then, what do you want? Please tell me.”

“I can’t.” Jared said, through clenched teeth, frustrated that Jensen wouldn’t just let it go.

“Why the hell not?”

“Because you wouldn’t understand. I don’t even understand. I don’t want to scare you.”

“You’re running that risk either way here, Jared. At least this way, I can keep my sanity.” 

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” Jared contradicted.

“What do you mean?” Jensen asked, as Jared grimaced slightly in pain. “Jared, talk to me. What the--”

At that moment, Jared lunged for Jensen, slamming him against the wall, kissing him fiercely until both were so dizzy with the shock and emotions that they had to pull away. 

“Or showing works, too,” Jensen said, breathlessly, immediately reaching his lips to Jared’s again, without another word. 

Jared let out a moan of delight, parting his lips to allow Jensen’s tongue to entwine with his own, deepening the kiss, practically hyperventilating with emotion, as he did so.

 

At that moment, Jared jumped awake and sat up on the dock at the lake. Oh, damn it. It was just a dream? No. No way. It seemed way too vivid. He checked his watch frantically: 2:34 AM.

“Oh, f--” he began, scrambling to his feet, before running off back to the house, not even thinking about the consequences of his absence.


	7. Chapter 7

Jared didn’t even bother trying to sneak in, knowing that Jensen would be up and all ready to bombard him with more questions. “Hey man,” he called, once he got in and shut the door and locked it, “Bye, man.”

Instead of reaction with his usual frustration, Jensen merely nodded, in acknowledgment, to him, and said, “Hey, dude. Can you come here for a second?”

Jared stopped cold in his tracks, not turning to look at Jensen. “Why?”

“Just humor me, would you?”

Jared let out a soft sigh, but obliged nonetheless, forcing himself to ignore the fact that Jensen was shirtless, sitting with his legs propped against table, with his ankles crossed. God, he looked so effing hot--it was torture.

Jared froze up, unable to think as he took in Jensen’s godly form, his eyes traveling over the miles of beautiful skin in front of him. God, what he wouldn’t give to just touch it, just for a second…to see if it was as soft as it looked. Oh, God, was he drooling? He hoped Jensen didn’t notice the expression on his face, because he was pretty sure he looked like an idiot, frozen in the shock of the beauty his eyes beheld.

“All right now, I know you don’t really want to talk to me or look at me right now.” Jensen said, snapping Jared out of his trance. He didn’t appear to have noticed Jared’s expression though, thank God. 

“But, suck it up and bear with me, okay? Now,” he sat up straighter and pulled a paper toward him, “You don’t even have to say nothing; just shake your head yes or no to the following questions. Fair enough?”

“Jensen, you don’t understand--”

“Yeah, you’re right; I don’t understand. I want to understand, Jared, that’s kind of the whole point of this.” 

“Of what?”

“Take a seat.” Jensen instructed, gesturing to the chair beside him. 

“I’m good here.” Jared said, physically incapable of moving.

Jensen stared at him for a moment. “Take…a damn…seat.” Jared grimaced slightly and Jensen scoffed, “Dude, I won’t bite. I promise. Just do this for me.”

Jared still didn’t move. But, he wanted Jensen to bite. Damn it. 

“Do I have to get you good and drunk?” Jensen said, in an almost threatening, yet joking tone. 

Jared sighed and forced himself to oblige, using all of his strength to force his legs to move forward. “Okay, whatever. Let’s just…do this.”

“All right, so…it’s no secret that you’ve been avoiding me lately--”

“Jensen--”

“I’m sorry; I believe I had the floor. Trust me, playing 20 questions in the middle of the night to figure out what I’ve done to make you hate my stinkin’ guts isn’t exactly my idea of a good time, but it’s all I’ve got.” 

“I don’t--”

“AH! Ah!” He interrupted Jared to stop him. He picked up the paper and straightened it out, waving it in front of Jared to kind of flaunt it in a way. 

He cleared his throat dramatically, before saying, “Are you mad at me because I laughed at you when you fell in the lake?” He grimaced sheepishly with those words. 

“No, Jensen, I’m not made at you. I told you; I don’t--”

“Shut it!” Jensen raised his voice again, “Shake your head yes or no. Nothing else.”

Jared sighed, before obliging and shaking his head. 

“Okay. Are you mad at me cause I called you a stupid, clumsy dumb-ass when you tripped on set the other day?”

Jared shook his head, with another sigh. This was ridiculous; Jensen wasn’t going to win this because he wasn’t mad at him.

Jensen bitterly crossed it off his list and then scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, with a grimace. “Are you mad at me cause I told everyone on set that you are the world’s greatest sex bitch?”

Jared shook his head again, more fiercely this time. Damn it, he hated this. He hated lying to Jensen; he hated not being able to tell him. 

“Damn it,” Jensen mumbled, as he crossed that off the list, before saying, “Okay, are you mad because I drank the last beer in your trailer last week?”

That made Jared talk. “What? You said Misha took my last beer.” 

“That’s what I said,” Jensen said, looking away sheepishly. 

“No, you just said you took it.”

“How is that different?” Jensen asked, trying terribly to avoid the subject.

“Jensen!”

“What; I’m sorry. I was freakin’ thirsty and I wasn’t gonna walk all the way over to my trailer. I’ll buy you another one, calm down.” 

Jared rolled his eyes, “Look, Jensen, this is pointless, man. Believe me or don’t believe me, but nothing you say is going to make matters better for us right now. For either of us.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning that I am not pissed at you, I do not hate you, and I trust you fine; it’s me I don’t trust.”

“Man, have you got your priorities freakin’ screwed up.” Jensen said, with a laugh, “You trust me, but not yourself. God knows you’re the honest one of the two of us.” 

“It has nothing to do with honesty, Jensen.” Jared corrected, “I swear to you--”

“Okay, wait, I have one more question and be honest.”

Jared sat back and gestured for him to go on. “Are you pissed at me…because I’m the sexy one?” Jensen joked, sounding so sincere, that it seemed as if he really worried that was the problem.

Mad? Hell no. Just aroused beyond belief by that sexiness. “No.” Jared managed to choke out, struggling to keep his voice steady. “Jensen, I am not mad at you.”

“Then, why won’t you talk to me?”

“I told you I will when I’m ready. I just need some time to figure it out, okay? Believe me, Jensen, I trust you…more than I have ever trusted anyone in my life. And, I know that you worry about me and that means a lot; it does, but I do not need your concern. All I need is some space.”

“Space?” Jensen asked, numbly. 

“Space.” Jared confirmed, “Now, I’m going to bed. I played along, I did your thing, now please let me go.”

He waited for Jensen to force a rigid nod, before walking off to his room, leaving Jensen there to stare after him again, hating this.


	8. Chapter 8

  
Author's notes: very short chapter, but next one will be AMAZING, promise. it's a little graphic, so i have to wait for my parents to go to bed before typing it...sorry. it'll be worth the wait though.  


* * *

This torturous routine went on for another five days--Jared leaving every morning at around 6:30, 7:00-ish in the morning, coming back at around 3-ish, barely saying two words of either acknowledgment to Jensen or to tell him to get the hell off his back, though he would’ve given anything to have Jensen get on his back--and otherwise avoiding Jensen’s existence altogether.

It got to the point to where Jensen could not take it anymore, and he eventually decided to confront Jared about it and either beat the answer out of him or just threaten to move out. 

Either way, he was not taking anymore of his crap. He missed his friend and he just wanted to be able to have a decent conversation with Jared, without Jared storming out on him. 

In all fairness though, Jared was going through a hell of his very own, himself. He had managed to figure out what was going on and damn, was it worse than not knowing. He didn’t know what to do…it was one thing to admit it to himself, but how the hell was he supposed to admit it to Jensen?

He couldn’t; things would become way too awkward and only God knew how Jensen would react. Even if he was okay with it, things would never be the same again. It would forever be hanging over his head and whether Jensen acted fine with it or not, Jared knew better.

Jared knew Jensen better than that. He would know that it would kill him to know the truth. How the hell could he possibly be responsible for doing something like that to Jensen? 

Damn it, why couldn’t it just go away? Why? Either way, he had to tell him and he knew it. He could not keep doing this to him. He would just tell Jensen the truth and hope for the best. That was all he could really do now.


	9. Chapter 9

  
Author's notes: **WARNING: might be a little too graphic; not quite sure what qualifies as too graphic. oh, and when jared says "f-it", yes, he says the word, but i don't wanna get in trouble so i just bleeped it out in a way. just imagine him growling it though before making out with jensen and that'll make it all better for you. enjoy  


* * *

Jared hesitantly walked into the house, at about a quarter to midnight, struggling to force his legs to keep moving forward, as he trudged into the kitchen, where Jensen was eating the rest of Jared’s Cold Stone chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.

Jensen looked up sheepishly from the carton and said, through a mouthful of ice cream, “Hey, man.” He swallowed the ice cream before taking another huge bite and saying, “You’re a little early, aren’t you? Finally decide you can talk to me? Good.”

He tossed the now empty carton into the trash can, “Cause, I can’t take it anymore. I need to know what is going on. And, I don’t give a damn if I understand it or not; I want to know what the hell could be so important that it’s worth ruining our friendship over.”

Jared held up a hand to stop him. “Jensen, please. I know. Trust me, man, I know that…I cannot even begin to imagine how…difficult this has been for you.” He used his words carefully, so as to not distract himself even more and God knew that he could not use the word “hard”, considering he was the one that was hard right now. 

He shifted his weight awkwardly, and looked away, trying desperately to not let Jensen see the truth before he could say it himself. “And…if roles were reversed, we both know I would’ve beaten to a pulp long before now to get the answer out of you.” 

He sighed and then approached him. “No matter what happens, you have to know that, I never wanted it to be like this. I swear to God, I have tried and tried to fight it; I have.”

“Fight what exactly?” Jensen demanded, “Jared, what the hell is going on? I have had enough of this, okay, so either tell me what is going on with you or…or I’ll just…move out. Tonight.”

Jared’s head snapped up. “You what? No.”

“I’ve already made arrangements with Misha, man. He said that if we can’t work this out, I’m welcome to stay with him for as long as I need.”

Jensen stood up and made to walk away when Jared grabbed his arm to stop him and jerked him back around. “No, Jensen, no!” He said, firmly, “You can’t just leave, man, you can’t.” He pleaded, desperately, “Please, please. Please.” 

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t.” Jensen demanded, jerking his arm free of Jared’s grip.

Oh, God. Here it comes. He had to say it now; he had to tell him. 

Jared held his breath and stiffened up, as he said the words, “I love you.” He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and hung his head in shame. 

Jensen didn’t get it at first, though. “Aw, thanks, man; I love you, too, but now’s not really the time--”

“No, dude, I…love you.” Jared reiterated, looking up at Jensen with a slight pout (yes, the Sammy pout--cruel, I know), dreading his reaction. 

Jensen simply stared at him, taking in his words, struggling to make sense of his words, struggling to make the connection as to why Jared had avoided him because he loved…him. It didn’t make any sense.

Awkward. Oh, awkward. Oh, God, it’s awkward. “O…kay.” Jensen said, slowly, as he struggled to process this. “So…so you…love me. Like, love me-love me?” Jensen still needed more confirmation, not sure he understood it correctly. 

“That’s what I’m saying, yes.” Jared confirmed, with a slight nod, “Yes. I am in love with you, Jensen.” 

OH, GOD, RUN AWAY! His body screamed at him to get as far away as possible. 

Jensen simply stared into space, nodding slightly, mumbling something incoherently to himself. There was a moment of awkward silence as they both struggled to deal with what had been said. 

 

“I completely understand…” Jared broke the silence first, “If you’re having problems with this. And, I’m sorry; I am so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. And, if this makes you uncomfortable, if you can’t handle it, then I’ll move out. I would never ask you to leave on my account.”

“Dude, this is your house,” Jensen reminded him. 

“Oh.” Jared remembered, “Oh, right. I forgot.” Crap. So…what now? Damn it, he knew it; he shouldn’t’ve said anything. “So, what now?” Jared asked out loud, hoping and praying that it would all just be over.

“What do you mean ‘what now’?” Jensen asked, shaking his head, “Nothing changes, man. I don’t know…I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry; I wish I did, but I don’t.”

Jared nodded, tensely, “Right. Well, maybe I do.” 

“What are you talking about?” Jensen asked, as Jared advanced slightly towards him, making him take an involuntary step back. 

“I never should’ve said anything,” Jared said, now turning around and stomping away, making Jensen angry. Damn it, what the hell was his problem?

“Hey, don’t walk away from me, bitch!” Jensen yelled, stomping after him. 

He reached Jared, grabbed his shoulder, and jerked him back around. “What the hell is the matter with you? Huh? What; just because I don’t’ react that way you want me to right away, you assume I never will? You don’t even give me a chance?” 

“You don’t love me, Jensen, not the way I love you!” Jared said, jerking his arm free.

“Who the hell are you to tell me what I do or do not feel?” Jensen demanded. 

“Don’t you lie to me,” Jared accused. “I know you don’t love me.”

“Do you? Really? If that’s what you really believe, then maybe you don’t know me as well as you thought you did.” 

“And, what exactly is that supposed to mean?” Jared demanded. “You think this is funny; Jensen, you have no idea how hard this had been for me. You think I want to feel this? You think I haven’t tried to fight it? Damn it, Jensen, this whole thing has been hell for me.” 

“Has it, really? It’s been hell for you, has it? What; you think it was easy for me? You had me thinking the worst of the worst, man. Why couldn’t you just tell me all this? You really think so little of me as to think I wouldn’t at least try to understand this?” 

“No,” Jared contradicted, “I think the world of you, Jensen. And, I feel so…ashamed is not a big enough word to even begin to describe how awful I feel for all of this.”

Jensen grimaced, “Thanks, man, nice to know you’re ashamed of me.”

“No, not you.” Jared corrected, “I’m ashamed of myself for doing this to you.”

“Again…failing to see the shame in any of this.” Jensen said, confused. 

“You don’t deserve this, Jen.” Jared clarified, “You don’t deserve any of this. The way I treated you, the crap that follows after. I know that because of me, I will have ruined your life. Maybe not today; maybe not even tomorrow, but some day down the road, your life will be hell. Because of me.”

Jensen rolled his eyes and jerked away from him, angrily, “Oh, don’t do that. Jared, all you have done is enrich my life. And, you don’t know the half of what I am really thinking about this. You assume it’ll just automatically be bad, right? Assume that I don’t love you; makes it easier, doesn’t it? Easier than dealing with the truth? It would be so much easier for you if I just hated you. Well, I’ve got news for you; it is not that simple. So, why don’t you just stop makin’ an ass out of you and me, huh?”

Jared rolled his eyes, “So, what are you saying? What do you want to do? Your reaction didn’t exactly scream: ‘Love you, too’.”

“Didn’t exactly scream rejection either, though.” Jensen pointed out. “Maybe I am saying that I do want to be with you.” 

“Well, maybe ‘maybe’ is just not enough.” Jared nearly yelled, but even as he said it, the internal struggle already began.

Part of him wanted to just drop it and have sex with Jensen right here, right now. But, the other rational part of him was warning him that if he did just give in without really thinking about it, he might wind up regretting it in the morning. Damn it. What the hell was he supposed to do?

“ ‘Maybe’s’ not enough…or I’m not enough?” Jensen challenged. “It’s a little late for second thoughts now, isn’t it? The boat of friendship has sunk; we are in the water; might as well go swimming. What do we really have to lose?”

“Each other,” Jared said, miserably, “Jensen, I might love you…but, I could not bear it if I lost you.”

“You could never lose me, Jared.” Jensen said, sounding appalled that Jared would ever doubt that, “And, some things are just worth the risk. Isn’t it better to take the risk than to go our lives never knowing what we could’ve had? Yeah, it might blow, but it might not. It might just be all we’ve been looking for our whole lives. I don’t know about you, but I know I sure as hell want to find out. Don’t you?”

Jared simply stared at Jensen, weighing his options, debating internally on what he should do.

After a moment of not saying anything, Jensen snapped his fingers to get Jared’s attention. “Hey! Jared! Say something, man, say anything.”

Jared still didn’t say anything so Jensen scoffed and turned away angrily, “God, you are such a freaking stubborn-ass, you know that!” 

Jared made noise that sounded somewhat like a low, guttural growl, before saying in a low husky voice, “F-it.” And, with that, he jerked Jensen around, slammed him against the nearest wall, with enough force to make him wince slightly in pain and anticipation, and locked his head in place against the wall, before crushing his lips eagerly, hungrily to Jensen’s. 

 

The second their lips connected, all pretenses were dropped and, if there was any nervousness or anxiety before, it was long gone. Jensen immediately parted his lips and entwined with tongue with Jared’s, managing to get a small moan out of Jared. 

Jared inhaled sharply as he deepened the kiss, only to exhale shakily in delirium and ecstasy. He moaned again, placing his legs on either side of Jensen to hold him in place against the wall, as he deepened the kiss even more.

Almost immediately, Jensen grabbed Jared’s free hand and brought it down to his pants, helping Jared undo them, shoving Jared’s hand into the flap of his boxers, where Jared immediately groped him, eager to feel his reaction. He would switch from softly caressing to squeezing just enough to get a moan or whimper or sigh or grunt or other sound of approval from Jensen. 

His favorite sound of all though was when Jensen would whimper and then let out a strangled, “Oh, Jared…” trailing off to catch his breath, his head lolling weakly against the wall and rolling back and forth in ecstasy.

Jared managed to remove Jensen’s pants and boxers completely, while not breaking one kiss to do so. 

Jensen simply allowed Jared to do this for a while, very content with just kissing and feeling for now, only too eager to show Jared just what he meant to him. 

Eventually, Jared broke away from a kiss, making Jensen grunt in protest. “Unh…Jared…no. What the f--”

But, he shut up immediately as Jared removed his shirt and began smothering his chest and stomach and arms with his lips, teeth, tongue, while still managing to continue groping him, massaging him, increasing the pressure each time, until Jensen screamed, his voice cracking halfway through the scream.

“Oh, God,” Jensen moaned, his knees buckling beneath him and he had to grab onto Jared’s shoulders to keep from falling over. “Jared…I--” he broke off to grunt, “God, you’re amazing.”

Jared smiled mischievously against Jensen’s pec, managing a soft chuckle, before pulling his nipple in between his lips and sucking hard and fast, as Jensen grunted again, doing everything he could, eager to hear him scream his name. 

After a while, Jensen couldn’t take it anymore and he shoved Jared back onto the ground, looking down at him. “My turn,” he said, as Jared stared up at him, struggling to breathe, his chest heaving with the effort.

“What do you--” Jared began, but he cut off as Jensen knelt in between his legs and grabbed one leg and slowly stretched it out, did the same to the other, placed his hands on Jared’s thighs, and slid up against him, stopping at his stomach. 

Jensen looked down and smiled slightly. “Do I dare?” He taunted, eager to tease Jared. 

He fingered the zipper, stroking it slowly with his index finger, using enough pressure so that Jared could only barely feel it through his pants.

“Oh, God, do it.” Jared choked out, “I’m begging you, please…do it.”

But, Jensen surprised him and replaced his finger with his teeth, using his teeth to undo Jared’s pants, while simultaneously sliding his hands into Jared’s t-shirt. 

He was so desperate to have it off that he ripped it off, and began tracing his skin with the palms of his hands, clutching desperately at the distinctions of his six-pack, digging his nails into the skin of Jared’s stomach and chest. 

Jared grunted and shifted his weight, desperate to be even closer to Jensen. 

Jensen had Jared’s pants and boxers removed--after a long process of teasing him, taking his time in doing so to taunt Jared, loving how impatient he was--and then he lowered his mouth to Jared’s groin, where he bit down, softly at first, but then he bit harder and harder until Jared let out a scream of both ecstasy and pain, though ecstasy was far greater than the pain.

Jensen pulled back slightly to smile, his hot breath flooding Jared’s groin, and both of them were breathing in short, desperate gasps. 

“Jensen…” Jared called, “Don’t stop…Oh, please God do not stop.” 

Jensen’s smile widened as he obliged and bit down again, while Jared desperately wrapped his legs around Jensen’s waist, squeezing his thighs tightly against him. 

Both of them were trembling in ecstasy, as Jensen’s biting proceed on into urgent, passionate sucking, Frenching, until Jared fell limp with ecstasy, having fallen numb, and all he could do was lie there helplessly as Jensen continued on with this, making him feel so amazing, making him feel pleasures he never existed. 

“Oh, God, Jensen…Jensen…” God, Jensen had never noticed how beautiful his name sounded until he had heard it from Jared’s lips, in this very moment. 

“I know,” Jensen gasped, as he finally released Jared, and slid up against him, frenching, sucking, and licking his way up Jared’s chest until he reached his lips. 

Every inch of their skin was connected and Jared let out a sigh of approval, as Jensen’s lips touched his. 

“God…is this for real?” Jared breathed, his chest heaving as Jensen’s stomach, which was resting against his groin, flexed and contracted against. 

Jensen placed a trembling hand on Jared’s cheek, and Jared leaned into it, marveling at how amazing is touch felt. 

“God, I hope so.” Jensen whispered, his breath coming out in short, hot, desperate gasps. “If not, then please, God, do not let me wake from this dream.” 

“You mean that?” Jared asked, making Jensen grimace slightly and then smile.

“You come here.” Then, he lowered his lips to Jared’s for a kiss, pulling him even closer, intensifying the pressure of his stomach on Jared’s groin.

As Jared deepened the kiss, he also slid his hands down Jensen’s back, pushing as hard as he could on the small of his back to increase the pressure even more, shifting himself with and against Jensen so that he could feel it in just right in all the right places. 

“Oh, my…God…” he choked out, in between kisses, as Jensen kissed him even deeper, growling softly as he pressed even further against him. “You’re gonna kill me,” Jared gasped, making Jensen chuckle into his mouth. 

“You…ain’t seen nothing yet.”

“Well, why don’t you show it to me?” Jared challenged, with another delirious moan.

“I plan to.” Jensen said, smiling against Jared’s lips, before kissing him again. “Believe me…I will show you…all I have…and more.” 

Jared chuckled and pulled Jensen further against him, arching his back to be as close to him as possible, kissing him even deeper, desperate to be one with him, desperate to know all of him.

Five hours were spent in this paradise, this Utopia that is Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, both of them realizing in that time that they had truly found all they had been looking for, once they really took the time to look in the only right place.


	10. Chapter 10

  
Author's notes: Sorry it took me so long, but my friend came over last night, so I didn't have time to type it up. Hope you enjoy it. Sorry. :(  


* * *

The next morning, Jared woke up to Jensen softly, slowly trailing his lips up and down his chest, starting from his stomach, going all the way up to his neck, stopping every so often to suck gently on the skin or even to bite down softly, while his hands traced the distinctions of Jared’s six-pack, rememorizing it, committing its very existence--Jared’s very existence--to his memory. 

“Good morning,” Jensen breathed against Jared’s pec. 

“How’d you know I was awake?” Jared asked, groggily.

Jensen managed to smile while simultaneously biting down on Jared’s nipple. “What; you think I can’t tell when you’re awake? For one…your breathing patterns changed…for two…I could feel your reaction to this--” 

He bit down even harder, while sliding one hand down to rest on the skin right above Jared’s groin, making Jared’s breath hitch involuntarily, as he grunted and slid up so that Jensen was actually touching his groin, which made him groan deliriously. 

“Definitely more intense than it could be if you were asleep…I’ll tell you that much.” Jensen said, tightening his hand around Jared’s groin, intensifying the pressure as he slid up so his lips was a mere half a centimeter from Jared’s. “I rest my case.”

“Oh, God.” Jared gasped, his eyes fluttering open and shut in ecstasy, “Well, maybe I am just that talented. To react so hardcore in my sleep from your mere touch. Your mere…existence. God, Jensen…”

Jensen had now dug his nails into the skin in the hollow of Jared’s thigh, and Jared brought his hand down to press Jensen’s hand even further against his skin. 

“How’s that now?” Jensen wondered out loud, now touching his lips to Jared’s, but not actually deepening the kiss, to tease him a little. 

“Oh, damn it…come on, Jensen.” Jared choked out, in an obvious tone, turning his head slightly, so as to be able to think properly, but Jensen merely lowered his parted lips to Jared’s jawbone, to French it, tracing his lips, tongue, and teeth all along the line to Jared’s ear, before softly nibbling on his ear.

“Oh, my…God, you’re…I’m effing dying.” Jared gasped, making Jensen chuckle.

“No, you’re not.” Jensen promised, pulling away to look into Jared’s eyes, “Cause I won’t let you.”

Jared smiled slightly, “Right. Guess I…forgot. You just…do that to me. You make forget everything; you’re so damn perfect. God, you have no idea what you really do to me. Even in my sleep.”

“Ahh…” Jensen said, as if he finally understood, “Good to know.”

Jared smiled, but he still seemed a little sad and reluctant. 

“What’s the matter?” Jensen asked, furrowing his eyebrows in concern.

“Nothing.” Jared lied, trying to assure Jensen by widening his smile, but Jensen didn’t buy it.

“Oh. Okay. Right.” Jensen said, pretending to believe him. “What’s the matter?” He repeated, hoping that now, all things considered, he would confide in him.

“Nothing.” Jared repeated, sounding more sure, “That’s just it.”

“What’s just it?”

“Isn’t this too good to be true?” He wondered, with a soft, sad chuckle. “I mean…shouldn’t I be…waking up on that damn empty dock to nothing? And, then have to come home and lie my pathetic ass off to you again even though you see right through me?”

“The only thing too good to be true here…is you.” Jensen said, tenderly brushing the back of his hand against Jared’s cheek. “Something, by the way, I never thought I’d say.”

Jared laughed.

“Look, man, we have both been with our fair share of women. But, I can honestly say that not one of those women has ever gotten to me like you have.” 

“Really?” Jared asked, still not quite sure, “ How can I be sure that this isn’t just all in my head? Just, you know, wishful thinking?” 

“Because, face it, Jared, as great as I’m sure I was in your head, nothing tops the real deal. All that screamin’ you did last night definitely implies that I did my job, am I right?” 

Jared rolled his eyes, “Oh, my God.”

“Well, didn’t I?” Jensen asked, as if knowing he was just stating the obvious. 

“Yes, of course you did. The word perfect sells you so freakin’ short it should be illegal, but that’s not my point, Jensen.” 

“Then, what is your point? Seriously, Jared, I never thought you one for insecurities before.” 

“That’s because I’ve never fallen for someone so out of my league before.” Jared admitted, with a sad smile.

“Out of your league; are you freakin’ crazy; I’m not out of your league. I am smack dab in the middle of your league.”

“Is that supposed to be funny?”

“Do you see me laughing?” 

Jared sighed and looked away, but Jensen turned his back towards his immediately, so he could look in his eyes. 

“Listen to me. Last night was no damn figment of your imagination. Or if it was, then damn, I wish I could have more figments like that in my imagination. It wasn’t a mistake. All it was…was the moment I had been looking for my entire life. The only regrets I have in any of this is not realizing my feelings sooner. Four years together and we barely realize now how we are feeling; I mean, damn it. I wasted my life away, looking for you, never knowing that I had you all along. Now, you look me in the eyes and tell me…is this really happening?” 

Jared obliged and really considered it, staring intensely into his eyes, seeing the truth in the depths of his eyes, knowing without a doubt in his mind that it was real. “Yes,” he whispered, “It’s really happening.” 

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” Jensen said, before lowering his lips to Jared’s again, and all reason and doubt was lost as Jared simply returned the kiss, both of them giving in to what they truly wanted, what they truly needed.

When Jensen finally broke away, he smiled against Jared’s lips and said, “See, I told you it wouldn’t blow. Well…” he chuckled, “…at least not in a bad way. There was some blowing, but…to be honest, that was one of my favorite parts.”

“That was your favorite part!” Jared sounded offended. “WTF, I am utterly insulted.” 

“What; why?” 

“Sure as hell wasn’t my favorite part.” Jared clarified.

“Then, what was?”

“The whole damn thing.” Jared said, with a smile.

Jensen breathed a chuckle, “Right. God, I should just die and burn in hell from such blasphemy, right?”

“Don’t you dare,” Jared said, clutching Jensen closer to him protectively, “I will not let you be my real-life Dean; screw that, no way.” 

Jensen shrugged, “I don’t know…I kind of like the concept of you being my real-life Sammy.” 

The way he said “Sammy” turned Jared on beyond belief. Oh, God, he was gonna die; Jensen couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it so long as he existed, because that was all it took to turn Jared on now, it seemed.

He swallowed audibly, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Jensen confirmed, lowering his lips to Jared’s again, “I love you, Sammy.”

“I’m Jared,” Jared corrected, not even giving a freaking damn.

“Yeah, well…I love you both.”

“I love you, too,” Jared gasped, rolling them over so he was now on top, immediately digging his knee into Jensen’s groin.

Jensen gasped in surprise, followed by a grunt of pleasure. “Oh, God…” he choked out, in shock, his mind still needing time to catch up with the rest of his body.

Jared smiled suggestively at him and increased the pressure of his knee against Jensen, grabbing his shoulders tightly and using them to push himself up against him, while simultaneously sucking on the curve of his neck, before lightly scraping his teeth passionately across his skin.

Jared trailed his lips up the skin of Jensen’s neck to reach his lips, before catching his lower lip in between his teeth, and biting down until Jensen screamed, “Oh, God, Jared…oh, God, what are you doing to me?”

“Proving my love to you.” 

“That is so not necessary.”

Jared kissed him again, to shut him up and then said, around his lips, “Necessary or not, you don’t have a choice.”

Jensen wanted to argue, but lost the will completely and instead arched his back, desperate to be even closer to Jared, deepening the kiss as much as he could , allowing Jared to prove his love for him in the most beautiful of ways….positions…times…God, it was nothing but endless pleasure…endless, endless perfection…


	11. Chapter 11

  
Author's notes: i have a question. i have several other spn fanfics i am working on that are not wincest, just brotherly love, and i was wondering if anyone could tell me where i could post that. if you cold let me know of a website, that'd be great. thanks a lot.   


* * *

Jared pulled away from a kiss, only slightly so that his lips were still touching Jensen’s and they were both struggling to breathe properly, as they stared deeply into each other’s eyes. 

Jensen had both arms wrapped tightly around Jared’s neck, his fingers buried in Jared’s hair, and he was running his fingers through the individual strands, as he pulled Jared even tighter against him.

“Oh, God,” Jensen breathed, his breath blowing into Jared’s face, making Jared’s eyes flutter open and shut deliriously in ecstasy, as he sniffed in deeply to really take in the beautiful scent of Jensen.

“You think?” Jared gasped, bringing his hand up to loosen Jensen’s hold on him.

“Hey, what the hell are you doing?” Jensen practically growled, in protest, until Jared began kissing his way down Jensen’s arm, taking his time in doing so, to apologize in a way.

When he reached Jensen’s fingertips, he smiled mischievously and choked out, “Trust me…it’ll be worth it.”

“What do you mean?” Jensen asked, as Jared sat back completely and brought his left leg around, swinging himself around so that he was now straddling Jensen’s waist, but he was facing his legs instead of his head. 

“Jared, what are you--” Jensen began, but he broke himself off, as Jared immediately lunged forward and began ravaging his groin, making him grunt, both in surprise and pleasure. “Oh, my--” Again, he broke off, incapable of forming a coherent thought right now. 

He arched his back and shifted himself so that Jared’s pressure on him increased and he stifled a scream, as he wrapped his arms tightly around Jared’s waist to pull himself even closer to him. 

He dug his nails into the skin of Jared’s abs, waist, chest, and arms, even going down to massage the hollows of his thighs, nearly dying from the ecstasy it was causing him. 

“Unh--” was all he could manage to choke out, as Jared’s lips, teeth, and tongue began doing things to him he never dreamed possible.

God, he had done this a million times before with a million different women, but he had never once felt like this. He literally could not explain it, even to himself. All he knew was that he never wanted it to end. 

Jared began shifting himself against Jensen so that his groin was pressing even further against Jensen’s chest and even down to his stomach, as he took Jensen even further into his mouth, increasing the pressure and speed with which he took him in, making this even more unbearable for Jensen. 

Jensen could not move; all he could do was lie there, frozen and numb with arousal, incapable of doing anything else, as Jared continued on for hours upon hours of this perfection. 

When Jared finally pulled away, with a delighted moan, Jensen groaned and shook his head weakly, “No…no…” he sounded almost as if he had fallen asleep from how weak and relaxed this whole ordeal had made him. “No, don’t stop. No, please, God, do not stop, Jared. Please, I’m begging you.” 

Jared smirked and rewarded Jensen’s begging by trailing his lips and tongue all across the skin of Jensen’s groin and on the skin all around it. 

Then, he said, breathlessly, “We have to stop sometime, Jen…”

“No, we don’t.” Jensen insisted, “No.”

“Sure we do.” Jared said, now turning back around to kiss his way up Jensen’s thigh to his stomach, taking his time in rememorizing his six-pack, up to his chest and neck, stopping at his lips, softly kissing him, before saying, against his lips, “Because, we have jobs for one.”

“So what?” Jensen said, stubbornly, sounding like a child.

“What about our fans? Do you know how much they would suffer without being able to see your beautiful face on a weekly basis?” He asked, stroking Jensen’s face lightly with the back of his hand. 

“Well, let them suffer. I don’t give a f--”

“Hey! Hey, hey!” Jared said, with a laugh, “I am all for ditching the job; we sure as hell have paid our dues. We don’t need the money and God knows the press would have a freakin’ field day if they ever found out about us, but if anything, we owe this much to Kripke. We owe everything to him, man; after all, if it wasn’t for him, we never would’ve even met.”

Jensen smacked his lips and turned his head, in protest, “Damn it,” he growled, “So not fair. I hate it when you’re right.” 

“Well, believe me, this is the one time I wish to God I wasn’t right.”

“I hate this,” Jensen whispered, grimacing slightly, “I don’t want this to stop. Ever. You know what I mean, right?”

“Better than anyone,” Jared confirmed, now cupping Jensen’s face in the palm of his hand, kissing him softly to help comfort him. 

“I just--I’ve never felt this way before.” Jensen admitted, against Jared’s lips.

“I know.”

“I mean, now that I know that something so amazing is actually out there, I just can’t help but be terrified to death that I’m gonna lose it.” 

Jared furrowed his eyebrows, “What do you mean? You could never lose me; you know that, Jen.”

“Do I?” Jensen challenged, “I don’t know, I mean, I know you love me today, sure…but, tomorrow you might not.”

“You really think so?” Jared’s voice cracked slightly with emotion, “Well, let me tell you that you have nothing to fear, Jensen. Nothing at all.”

“And, why is that?”

Jared smiled, as he quoted one of Jensen’s favorite songs, “Because tomorrow will never come.” 

Jensen smiled slightly and pulled Jared back down to him for another kiss, this time actually deepening the kiss. 

When Jared pulled away, Jensen groaned in protest, making Jared smile and he said, breathlessly, “Give me a minute.”

“For what?” 

“To enjoy this.” Jared answered, laying his head against Jensen’s chest to listen to his heartbeat. 

After about an hour of this, Jensen chuckled softly, “What are you doing?”

“Oh, God,” Jared said, softly, closing his eyes to really take this all in, “God, that sounds even more amazing.”

“More amazing than what; what are you talking about? What?”

Jared didn’t look at him as he answered, smiling slightly, keeping his eyes closed in total contentment, “I’m listening to your heartbeat. It is the best sound in the world--or so I thought until you spoke. I could feel the vibrations in your chest. It’s the best feeling in the world. This, here, being in your arms. My God…I’ve never felt so amazing before.”

“Well, it’s not the best sound in the world.” Jensen contradicted. 

“Well, what is?” 

“The sound of you screaming my name all night long,” Jensen said, suggestively, making Jared laugh.

“I guess we’re just going to have to agree to disagree on this, then.” Jared said, “Cause, I’m right and you’re wrong. And, you’re just going to have to learn to accept that.”

“Oh, stop it,” Jensen said, irritably, “God, you poor boy; you’re so confused.”

Jared rolled his eyes, and did a double take as he noticed the bag that Jensen had packed mere day ago, thrown recklessly onto the floor, the clothes spilling out of it. He raised his head to examine it closer, before saying, “Oh, my God…I could’ve sworn that was just a dream.”

“What?” Jensen asked, his eyes following Jared’s to the bag. 

“What? Nothing,” Jared said, sheepishly, “Nothing, nothing; it’s nothing.”

“No, no, come on tell me. What is it?”

“I don’t wanna say.” Jared said, burying his face in Jensen’s chest, humiliated that Jensen noticed. “It’s embarrassing.” 

“Come on, just say it.” Jensen said, lifting Jared’s head, forcing him to look into his eyes, “What could possibly be more embarrassing than admitting you’re in love with your alleged straight best friend, huh? I mean, seriously. Tell me.”

“No.”

“I won’t stop until you tell me.”

“God!” Jared whined, “Fine, but please don’t throw me into a psychiatric ward after I tell you this.”

“Okay. Fine. Promise. Okay? Just come on. Please.”

Jared grimaced and began tracing his index finger up and down Jensen’s chest to distract himself and to avoid looking in his eyes as he spoke. “Okay, well…when I was avoiding you…I was spending my days at the docks--”

“Wait, the docks, as in the docks where you--”

“Yeah.” Jared interrupted, “Yeah.” 

“Why there?”

Jared shrugged, “Because that was where I first realized…my feelings for you. I assumed that it was the being there that made me feel that way. Yeah, I was dead freakin’ wrong, but yeah. I would return there daily to try to figure out just what the hell it was about being at that place that made me feel so damn attracted to you.” 

“Uh-huh, and what was the conclusion?” Jensen asked, with an amused smile.

“That’s not the point,” Jared pointed out, “You see, I actually fell asleep every time I went there, but a few days ago…I had this…dream.”

“A dream?”

“Yes, a dream.” Jared went on to explain the dream, in great detail, recounting every word that was spoken, every action that was taken, every thought, everything he could possibly remember.

When he finished, Jensen just stared at him, shocked. “Oh…my God.”

“I know, yeah, it sounds completely insane. I’m freakin’ crazy and I should be in a straight jacket right about now, but--”

“No, no, that’s not it at all.”

“Then, what is it?” 

“Well…the first part of the dream…was no dream. It actually happened. I considered leaving without saying good-bye to kind of teach you a lesson. I was planning on being gone by the time you got home. But, I couldn’t go through with it…so, I knocked the bag off my bed with my forearm and…went to your room to try to see what was up with you. I never actually went through anything. I wanted to; I did, but…then I had that same ‘dream’, I guess you’d call it.”

“What?”

“The second part. With our conversation. Word-for-word, I pictured it exactly.”

“What; why?”

“I don’t know; wishful thinking?” 

“Right. Um…okay, then. Weird, huh?”

“Not really.” Jensen pointed out, “I guess we just operate on the same wavelength. Great minds really do think alike. We were both feeling the exact same thing. We…shared the same fears; we share practically the same mind, we both know that. It’s not the first time this has happened. How many times have we totally freaked out the newbies on set because of our uncanny abilities to be like the other person? Why do you think extras don’t last on our show? We freak the living hell out of ‘em.’ 

Jared laughed, “Yeah, I guess.”

“No, I don’t guess; I freakin’ know. I know that there is a reason why we are so perfect for each other and this is a big part of that reason.”

“Whatever happened to opposites attract?”

Jensen blew a raspberry, “Oh, please, that’s just a bunch of B.S., to give the opposites hope. God knows that no one could ever be better suited for one another than us. I mean, come on. He freakin’ made us…for each other or something.”

“Now that…I know for myself,” Jared agreed, “Don’t need to convince me.”

“Good.” Jensen rolled him over, “Thank God. Cause, if I had to, the only way would be through sexual manners, so it’s better than I don’t have to.” 

He made to pull away when Jared grabbed Jensen’s necklace--the one from the show-- and pulled him down to him roughly, “Don’t you dare; I think I might need a little convincing.”

“Oh, do you?” Jensen asked, suggestively, “Well, then, damn it, what choice do I have?” 

Jensen lowered his head to trail his parted lips over to Jared’s ear, before breathing softly into it, “I love you, Jared.”

Jared smiled as his head lolled weakly to the side and he said, “I love you, too, Jensen,” before capturing Jensen’s lips in another kiss.


	12. Chapter 12

Jared’s eyes fluttered open and he let out a sigh of contentment, as he nestled in even closer to Jensen, smiling to himself as he did so. He had his head lying on Jensen’s stomach, his arms wrapped around Jensen’s waist, as Jensen’s arms were wrapped tightly around Jared, holding him as close as he could.

Jensen was still asleep, though, so Jared merely turned his head the other direction so that he could watch as Jensen slept. His chest rose and fell evenly with each breath took, and he had a slight smile on his face as he tightened his arms even more around Jared. 

Jared was absolutely mesmerized by this…unable to look away for anything…reveling in this perfect moment. God, why did it have to take them so long to finally admit how they felt? It felt as if those four years previously were years lost, because they refused to find what they really wanted; what they really needed. 

Jared simply laid there for an hour or so, before looking to the clock to see that it was 9:30. Damn it, if he didn’t get up now, they would never leave this bed. And, as much as he did hate to admit it, they had to get up sometime. 

And, he knew that if he waited for Jensen to wake up, neither one of them would find the will to leave. Jensen would just find some way to keep him there--most likely, sexual, considering that was his biggest weakness as of right now when it came down to Jensen--so he figured he had to leave now before Jensen woke up. As much as he didn’t want to.

With a sigh, Jared slowly unwrapped Jensen’s arms from around him, taking care to not disturb him, because God knew if he woke up, that would make him lose all will to do this. 

He grimaced as he raised his head, regretfully, from Jensen’s stomach, released him, and gently placed Jensen’s arms on his own stomach. Then, he slowly stood up, struggling to not make any noise.

Once he stood up, he grabbed a wrinkled sheet that was now on the floor and he wrapped it around his waist, before walking out of the room, hating himself for doing so. Damn it, damn it, damn it, was he going to freaking regret the hell out of this decision later! He just knew it.

He walked out to the kitchen and sat down at the table, burying his face in his hands, almost as if he was miserable, but he was smiling as he did so. Maybe this was a good thing to do. If Jensen woke up without him there, he’d be freakin’ pissed. And, then they could have themselves some hardcore angry sex. Oh, God, the idea of it…

He sat there for a moment before standing up and walking over to turn on the coffee. After all the sleep that had been lost, God, did he need it. He saw his reflection in the coffee pot and started slightly. “God!” He gasped, before running a hand through his hair. “God, I look like effing crap.” 

“You know you should, like, die from saying such blasphemy, right?” Jensen’s groggy voice issued from behind Jared, startling him, and he whipped around to see Jensen smirking at him.

“Right.” He said, forcing a smile, “Right.”

Jensen began approaching him, “And, what the hell is that disgusting blasphemous crap I am seeing here?” He said, gesturing to the sheet around Jared’s waist. 

Jared looked down and furrowed his eyebrows, “What?”

Jensen finally reached him and placed his hands immediately on Jared’s hips, to slightly lower the sheet, caressing the skin softly with his thumbs. “I’m sorry, it’s just now that I’ve seen you without clothes on, I just hate the image of you wearing clothes. It’s disgusting. It should be completely illegal to sell you clothes, you know that?”

Jared scoffed, “And, all this time I thought you hated drama.”

Jensen rolled his eyes, “Nothing dramatic about that. Believe me, any person in their right mind would completely agree with that. See, you are so hot that you would so put hell out of business. You are so effing hot that you can make any lesbian turn straight and make any and every straight guy turn gay.” He pointed to himself.

Jared sighed, “Oh, please. You forget, you technically made me turn gay, too.” He reminded him. “Trust me, there’s nothing special about me. It’s all you.”

“Yeah, damn right there’s nothing special about you,” Jensen agreed, “Because special is nowhere near enough to describe you. You…are freaking extraordinary. You are so amazing, you put the mere word ‘amazing’ to shame.”

Jared smiled and shook his head, “Stop exaggerating.”

“Oh, you really think I’m exaggerating?”

“No, I know you’re exaggerating.”

“Okay, you know what? This could go on forever. Let’s just get straight down to business, okay?” Jensen pulled the sheet off of Jared’s waist and let it fall to the ground.

“No, Jensen, come on. You can’t possibly--” Jared broke off as Jensen immediately got to his knees and took Jared into his mouth, sucking gently at first, but then proceeding onto fast, hard, and urgent.

Jared moaned and fell back against the counter. “Ahh…God. Jensen, no. No, we can’t. Please. Jensen, you--oh, God, shut up, Jared.” He choked out, as Jensen wrapped his arms tightly around his waist, pulling him even closer to him.

In order to distract Jensen, to get him to stop, Jared pressed his knee passionately against Jensen’s groin, using enough force to make Jensen fall back in ecstasy, but he refused to release Jared, not for the world. 

Jensen continued his activities while Jared continued his, both just waiting for the other to surrender, but neither one could find the will to do so, both so unbelievably aroused that they could hardly stand it. 

After a while, Jared turned them around and slammed Jensen against the counter with enough force to make him break away to look up at him. “What?” He choked out.

“If you insist on doing this…we’re doing it right.” Jared said, “We should take a shower and kill two birds with one…sto-one.” His voice cracked as Jensen bit his inner thigh. 

A few minutes later, they managed to stagger into the bathroom and Jared scrambled to turn on the shower as he stepped into it, slipping and falling back against the wall, as Jensen straddled him and immediately began smothering Jared’s chest with his lips and Jared tightened his hold on him to pull him tighter against him.

Jensen helped Jared stand up and reached his lips to Jared’s as water cascaded down upon them, soaking them both, and his hands immediately went up to Jared’s hair to untangle it and he ran his fingers through individual strands, loving the way it felt when it was wet. 

Jared turned them around and slammed Jensen against the wall and started kissing him as he reached for the shampoo bottle. He managed to open it and squeeze some out into his hand, while still kissing Jensen, not pulling away for the smallest second. 

He began rubbing the shampoo into Jensen’s hair for him, while deepening the kiss, lathering it into his hair and even onto the skin of his neck, back, arms, and even onto his chest, lingering on the distinctions of his six-pack.

Once he finished with that, Jared took Jensen’s face in his hands and brought him under the shower head, lathering the rest of the shampoo onto Jensen’s face, as he continued kissing him, as the water showered down upon them, and washed the suds off of Jensen and some of them got onto Jared, but he didn’t mind in the least.

After that, Jensen shoved Jared back and choked out, “My turn,” now doing the exact same thing to Jared, taking his time in doing so. 

After they finished that, they simply remained in the shower for another couple of hours, just enjoying themselves until the water turned ice cold and then Jensen turned it off and choked out, “God, this is so not even close to over.”

“I hope so.” Jared gasped.

Jensen forced a chuckle, struggling to breathe as he did so, “So…what now?”

“Well, we haven’t eaten anything in, like, what? 3, 4 days now?”

“Definitely the longest I’ve ever gone without food. Amazing how sex with you can just replace absolutely everything? Food, sleep, work, money? You are more vital to me than oxygen, blood, anything and everything.”

“I understand exactly what you mean. Ditto.” Jared said, with a laugh, “But, yeah, I have absolutely no strength left whatsoever. We have got to eat something.” 

“Yeah, okay. Damn it. This freakin’ sucks.” Jensen relented, and Jared smiled and kissed him softly, before pouting slightly, making Jensen smile. “Oh, no, not the pout. Damn it, that is so not fair; no one can resist that pout. Don’t do it.”

Jared smiled again and then pouted even more, eager to get to Jensen, making him turn away, “No. I can’t look at you like that; it’s too much. I can’t take it. You are so cruel, you know that?”

“Yeah, well your mere existence is cruelty is enough for me, cause that alone is my weakness. You don’t have to do anything; just…be.” 

Jensen rolled his eyes, “Now who’s dramatic? Come on. Let’s go get some food.”

“ ‘Kay.” Jared said, with a slight nod, before following Jensen out of the shower and into the room to, regretfully, get dressed and get something to eat, before they both collapsed from the lack of food.


	13. Chapter 13

Six empty pizza boxes later, Jared shoved practically half of the last slice of pizzas into his mouth, sucking some of the sauce off of his fingers and looking to Jensen, who was staring at him in awe, before saying sheepishly, “What?”

“What do you mean ‘what’; you never eat like that. What’s your deal, man?”

Jared swallowed hard and shrugged, “Well, I’m sorry, but practically a whole week without any food; forgive me for freakin’ starving.”

“What; a whole week; what are you talking about?”

Jared forced a smile, “You really think I could eat when I was treating you like crap? It freakin’ sucked and I hated doing it, but I didn’t know what else to do. Hence…the starvation. I’m all right, though.” He waved his hand dismissively towards Jensen and turned his attention back to the empty box of pizza. “Damn it, it’s empty. Should’ve gone for seven, huh? Freak.” He said, in an adorable manner, pouting slightly, making Jensen smile.

“Here, dude. Come here.” Jensen said, leaning towards him slightly.

“What?” Jared asked.

“You’ve got some sauce on your lip there. Let me, uh…get that for you.” Jensen said, with a smile, before leaning in and catching Jared’s lip in between his, sucking off the sauce for him, deepening the kiss and chuckling softly into Jared’s mouth.

When he pulled away, he lightly tapped Jared’s chin with the back of his index finger before chuckling. “My God, you are always so messy, you know that?”

“Shut up,” Jared said, smacking Jensen’s hand away and turning away childishly.

“Aw, I’m sorry.” Jensen said, stifling laughter, “But, face it. Truth hurts, don’t it.”

“Bite. Me.” Jared said, irritably, smacking his lips in protest.

Jensen grimaced suggestively and said, “All right, if you insist.” Then, he leaned over and softly bit Jared’s shoulder, making Jared laugh.

“God, you know that is so not fair.”

“Who said life was fair?” Jensen asked, biting Jared even harder, making Jared now snort.

“Life became fair the day I found you; the rest I can deal with.” Jared said, now grimacing slightly, “Ow! Son of a bitch!”

Jensen smiled and pulled away, “Oh, don’t be a baby. I didn’t even bite you that hard.”

“Oh, yeah?” Jared teased, now turning on Jensen and lunging at him, rolling them off the couch and they wrestled playfully on the floor for a while. 

“No, no! Don’t do it! Jared. Don’t!” Jensen protested, now rolling over so he was on top, but Jared flipped them over and pinned Jensen down, restraining Jensen’s arms by his side, by straddling his waist and clenching his legs tightly around Jensen, in order to keep him down.

Jensen struggled against him. “Dude, this is so not funny. I swear to God, when I get out of this, your ass is freaking mine!” 

“My ass is already yours, Jensen, tell me something I don’t know. Now, please shut up and lie still so I can begin my violation of you.”

“It’s not violation if I welcome it.”

“This doesn’t look like welcoming to me.”

“Or maybe I’m just playing hard to get.”

“Hard to get? Seriously? Please, you were only too damn easy to pin down.”

“Don’t get cocky--”

“Why not? We both know you like cocky.” Jared said, with a smirk, wrapping his arms loosely around Jensen’s head, burying his fingers in Jensen’s hair, and lowering himself on top of him so that his lips were hovering mere centimeters from Jensen’s.

Jensen arched his back and shifted himself upward so that he could feel the pressure of Jared’s groin against his own intensify and immediately grunted in approval. “Oh, God…touche.”

Jared let out a sigh of delirious arousal, his breath blowing into Jensen’s face, making his head swirl, and he shook his head from side to side. “My God, what are you doing to me?” Jensen breathed, his breath now making Jared’s head swirl.

Their parted lips lightly touched and they gasped desperately for breath, as they simply stayed like this, both waiting, both daring the other on to deepen the kiss, neither one wanting to be the one to give in, trying to prove their point. 

“God, Jensen…” Jared breathed, not moving, but rather bringing one hand around to trace it down Jensen’s face, down the side of his neck, to his shoulder, down his arm, entwining their fingers as soon as they touched, and bringing Jensen’s hand around and down to the front of his pants to tease him.

Jared forced Jensen’s fingers to undo the button and zipper on his jeans--going as slow as he possibly could, causing Jensen to begin trembling beneath him--and he slid Jensen’s hand into the waistband of his boxers, but refused to let him actually touch anything, placing Jensen’s hand on the lowest part of his stomach, and locking it there with his own hand, while his other hand began giving Jensen a scalp massage.

Jensen moaned, but refused to show any other signs of weakness. Instead, he decided to give Jared a taste of his own bitter medicine:

Jensen slowly opened his legs and wrapped them around Jared’s waist, clenching his legs around him before shifting himself up against him repeatedly, intensifying the pressure and speed with which he moved, his hands traveling underneath Jared’s shirt to clutch desperately at his back, pulling him even closer to him.

Jared held his breath so as to not let out a cry of ecstasy, refusing to let this get to him, and it wasn’t until Jensen breathed out, with a knowing smile, “Oh, Sammy, my Sammy,” that he lost it. 

With that, Jared lost all will and gave in, deepening the kiss and lowering Jensen’s hand all the way, forcing Jensen’s hand to immediately grab onto him, and he encircled his hand around Jensen’s to help Jensen massage himself, pressing his hand even further and further against it. 

Jensen shoved Jared back against the couch and withdrew his hand immediately and waited for Jared to pull his knees up to his chest, before straddling his lap and wrapping his arms around his neck, burying his fingers in Jared’s hair, and reaching his lips to Jared’s, making Jared groan in approval, as he deepened the kiss.

Still refusing to make this easy for Jensen though, Jared pushed Jensen back slightly and shook his head, before gasping, “Wait. Wait, just…God, just wait.”

“For what?” Jensen demanded.

In response, Jared now opened his legs and slid down the couch, his head lolling weakly to the side against the cushion as he arched his back, making his reaction to Jensen very much obvious, making Jensen raise an eyebrow, amused, and to entice him further, Jared stuck his tongue out suggestively, slowly tracing it across his own lips, taking his time in doing so in order to drive Jensen nuts…no pun intended.

Jensen smiled slightly and bent down on his knees, slowly wrenching Jared’s legs open even further, creating enough space for him to crawl up in between them, and as he did so, he closed Jared’s legs around his waist, caressing the outsides of his legs as he did so.

Jensen pushed one of Jared’s legs to the side for a moment in order to softly bite his inner thigh, before tracing his lips and the bridge of his nose across the line of Jared’s pants until he reached Jared’s groin and then he bit down even more passionately, biting Jared through his pants, making him scream out involuntarily.

“Okay…okay.” Jared choked out, struggling through each forced breath, having to remind himself the process of breathing as Jensen continued on tantalizing him. God, he was so freakin’ cruel. “Okay, fine you win…You win; I give in. I’m done, I’m done. God, I’m done.”

“Uh…huh.” Jensen dragged out the two words, now sliding up Jared’s body to reach his lips. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you; I was a little busy. What was that?”

“You win,” Jared gasped, “God. God, my God…What…the…you’re trying to kill me, aren’t you? I know it. God…God…God…”

Jensen smirked, “Yes…I suppose that could be one of your many nicknames for me, huh?”

“God, yes,” Jared said, not even able to make sense of the words Jensen was speaking right now.

“All right already,” Jensen said, cockily--again…no pun intended--pulling back slightly. “I get it. I know. I am the freakin’ epitome of the word sex, right? Sex was created after my image?” 

“Damn right it was.” Jared choked out, forcing out desperate gasps of air, in order to remain conscious.

That was when Jensen pulled completely away and stood up. “Wrong, you are.” He taunted, shaking his head, in disbelief.

“Huh, what?” Jared asked, struggling to recover from his arousal.

“I…am no epitome of the word sex…Jared. I’m no epitome of any word related to sex or beauty or perfection or anything. I’m sorry, but I’m not. That very right belongs to you. Everything that is good or beautiful or even halfway decent in this world…is because of you. You…are the epitome of all things good. And, God knows that’s the truth. You’re the only one who doesn’t.”

Jensen was then silent as he waited for Jared to recover completely and have time to process those words, before saying, “You okay over there? Want me to throw you out in the snow to recover for a while?”

“Shut up,” Jared said, irritably, unable to move, though he would’ve given anything to be able to right now. “Dude…you…what the hell was that? Why not just beat me to death with a stick? That’s gotta be a hell of a lot less painful than that was.”

“Gee, thanks. I thought you liked it.”

“Yeah, I did. ‘Liked’ is so much an understatement; it should be considered the worst of the worst of all sins to even say that. I just--why’d you stop? What did I ever do to you? Did I hurt you in some way?”

Jensen shrugged, “Not at all. I’m just…proving a point.”

“What; that you’re a freakin’ dick?” Jared challenged, crossly.

“What; like you’re complaining?” Jensen challenged right back, with a smile, “Don’t seem to be. You know you like it.” He playfully backhanded Jared’s shoulder.

Jared rolled his eyes and scoffed, “Damn it, you suck.”

“Well, you’re not wrong about that.” Jensen said, with a smirk, making Jared scowl at him and he sighed, “Look, my point…is…that I love you. And, I guess I just feel like I have to prove it to you or something. I need you to know that…as amazing as the sex is--my God, is it amazing--I am not with you merely for the sex. I am with you for who you are.”

“I know that.” Jared said, furrowing his eyebrows slightly, in confusion, “So, what’s with the dialogue, huh, Shakespeare?”

“Hey, I’m not…Shakespeare. Shakespeare probably spent his whole life never gettin’ laid; that’s why he was such an effing sap. Either that or he had himself some terrible sex. I am merely speaking the truth. That so wrong?”

“Yes. You don’t give speeches; you hate speeches. You hate expressing your feelings; you’d rather cut off your own arm than express your feelings.”

“Well, I guess you just bring it out in me.” Jensen said, and Jared could see the truth of his words in his eyes. 

Jared breathed a chuckle and shook his head, “And, what, you couldn’t just say it; you had to torture me endlessly instead of just saying it…you know, black and white.”

“Nah, this way was much more fun. Besides, black and white is just so…black and white. It’s boring; I like to be creative, so to speak.”

“Yeah, well, thanks a lot. Your creativity is killin’ the hell out of me, just so you know.”

Jensen shrugged, “I’ll take my chances. Now, what do you say I make it up to you?”

“What’d you have in mind?” Jared asked, not getting his hopes up, knowing Jensen would flaunt his newfound power over him only to snatch it away.

“Well, I was thinkin’…we never did get a chance to watch that movie. What do you say? No night is ever complete without dinner, movie, and sex, am I right?”

“Hell, we already had dinner. Skip the movie and let’s get straight to the sex.” Jared suggested.

“Oh, come on, please. Do this for me. And, I promise I will make it up to you later.”

“What is up with you? Since when do you say no to sex?” Jared was utterly appalled.

“I’m not saying no to sex; I’m just saying…later to sex.”

“Yeah. Why? Why later; why the hell not now?”

“Maybe because our relationship is too damn good to be nothing but sex. It should be more meaningful than that, shouldn’t it? I would never go the extra mile for anyone else, Jared. Only for you.”

Jared shook his head, “My God, what the hell has gotten into you?”

Jensen smirked, “Oh, what, you mean, besides you? Cause God knows you are definitely the best thing I’ve ever had inside me; I can tell you that much.”

Jared rolled his eyes, “Whatever; fine. We’ll have sex later. God, you are so effing lucky I love you, you know that?”

“I’ve never known anything more.” Jensen admitted, now sitting on the couch and gesturing for Jared to sit in between his legs.

“What; are you gonna tease me some more?” Jared said, as he obliged. 

“Maybe,” Jensen said, suggestively, “Here, I think I need to try a little…something.”

Then, Jensen took Jared’s face in his hands and tilted his head back slightly, making Jared smile. “Dude, what are you doing?”

“Shh…” Jensen whispered, “Just…trust me.”

Then, he scooted forward so that he could nestle Jared’s head in between his legs, right against his groin, and then he bent down to lower his lips to Jared’s, catching his lower lips between his lips and sucking on it passionately, while Jared deepened the kiss.

Jared reached his right arm up and wrapped it around Jensen’s neck, to bring Jensen’s head down even closer to his, deepening the kiss as much as he could, moaning softly in sheer pleasure, making Jensen smile around his lips.

Jensen trailed one hand down Jared’s chest, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, and trailing it back up to slide it over his shoulders, letting it fall to the ground, and caressing Jared’s chest with the palm of his hand several times, running it back and forth, finally resting it on his stomach.

Then, he pulled away from the kiss, regretfully so as he that Jared’s eyes were still closed, and he immediately pouted once Jensen’s lips left his.

Jensen couldn’t help it; he planted one more soft kiss on his lips before pulling away and saying, “I’m sorry, but…just give me two hours. That’s all I’m asking for.”

Jared didn’t answer, but merely sat still, not moving the slightest muscle, as he basked in this moment, a soft smile playing on his lips.

“What? What is it?” Jensen wondered.

“Nothing…” Jared admitted, “Just…being here…with you. God. I can’t…even begin to describe how amazing it feels.”

“I understand exactly how you feel.” Jensen said, with a slight smile, even though Jared’s eyes were still closed and he couldn’t see the smile.

“Very good,” Jared said, softly, as Jensen brought his hand up and used his thumb to open Jared’s eyes. “What?” Jared asked, as he noticed Jensen’s look.

Jensen shook his head, “Nothing. It’s just…you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. I’ve never noticed before.”

“I beg to differ,” Jared said, bringing his arm around to place his hand on Jensen’s face, “Sorry, but you take the cake.”

“I’m not getting into this with you again,” Jensen said, stubbornly, making Jared smile and lift his head to sit up straight. “Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Hurts, doesn’t it?” Jared challenged, with a smirk. 

“That’s not funny.” 

“Damn right it’s not funny. I ain’t laughin’, am I?”

“You’re right; I’m sorry. I was a jerk, okay. Won’t happen again.”

“Liar.” Jared accused.

“I’m not lying.” Jensen said, defensively.

“Maybe not intentionally, but you are aware that your mere existence is torture enough for me, so when you tease the hell out of me like this…do you really need me to finish this sentence?”

“No, please, don’t; I beg of you.” Jensen said, now reaching for the remote. “Here, let’s just get this done, okay? Watch the movie, so we can get on with the sex, okay?”

Jared smiled, “Okay. Go on then.”

Jensen turned on the TV and got the movie going before he brought his arms up immediately began giving Jared a scalp massage, combing his fingers playfully through Jared’s hair, and kneading Jared’s skin with his fingertips.

Jensen took his time in massaging his way down Jared’s skin, to the back and sides of his neck, and down to his back and around to his chest and down to his stomach.

“Dude, what are you doing?” Jared finally choked out, his voice cracking slightly as he spoke. 

“I’m tryin’ to make this better for you. You know, easier. Since I’m makin’ you wait, figure I might as well give you some goods to help you through.” 

“Ever occur to you that you’re makin’ it harder? You’re just gonna distract me. I won’t be able to make it through the next two hours with you doing this.”

“Oh, come on; don’t be a wuss.” Jensen said, bringing his hands up now to start all over again.

“Seriously, stop it; I’m gonna jump on you.” Jared warned, as Jensen went down to massage his back.

“Maybe that’s all part of my master plan,” Jensen suggested, with a smile, “You know, distract you so that you’ll jump on me.” 

“Keep this up and you won’t be waitin’ much longer.” 

“We’ll just have to see then.”

“See what?”

“Who breaks first.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning this is just as hard for me as it is for you--every pun intended, by the way. I keep this up and I just might be the one jumping on you.” Jensen explained.

“Yeah, well…jump away.” Jared said, “No complaints from the peanut gallery.”

Jensen bent down and softly kissed the skin on the side of Jared’s neck before whispering in his ear, “Yeah, well…give…me…time. Cause trust me; this movie is no distraction for either one of us. Not really. I know that.”

“Then, what’s the point?”

“No point really…I just like driving you crazy.”

“This is hardly necessary for that. Everything about you drives me crazy; you know that.”

“Yeah, well, I like seeing it. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Come on, man, just humor me. Now, shut up and sit back and enjoy.”

“Deal.” Jared said, bitterly, wrapping his arms around Jensen’s legs, pulling them tighter around himself and tightening his arms around them. “This is me. Enjoying.”

“Ditto,” Jensen said, leaning slightly further forward and continuing on with his activities, both just waiting to break the other one, both equally curious to see who would lose it first.


	14. Chapter 14

  
Author's notes: I am so sorry for the super long hiatus; I was gone to sing at Carnegie Hall in NYC, so I didn't have access to a computer in order to add more. Please forgive me and I hope you enjoy my next update. Love you guys. :)  


* * *

Towards the end of the movie, Jensen grew a little too eager and could no longer control himself so he slid his hand down underneath the waist band of Jared’s boxers, softly caressing the skin with his fingertips, even gently kneading small circles on the lowest part of Jared’s stomach. 

To tease him, Jensen’s hand hovered directly above Jared’s groin, which immediately reacted to Jensen’s proximity, and Jared let out a small whimper of approval. 

“Oh, God,” he choked out, “Unh…” he couldn’t manage anything else besides a few incoherent sounds of delirium and arousal as his head lolled weakly into Jensen’s lap.

Jensen smiled and leaned down so his lips were hovering centimeters from the skin of Jared’s neck, and he inhaled his scent deeply, exhaling shakily against Jared’s skin, weakened by the sensation it gave him, but also eager to distract Jared with those same sensations.

They remained like this for the remainder of the movie, Jensen’s hands never losing contact with the skin of Jared’s groin or the skin around it, and Jared’s head never leaving Jensen’s lap, his eyes fluttering open and shut in ecstasy, as he struggled desperately against losing control and just doing what he wanted. 

Yes, he did want it, but he wouldn’t do it until it could be done right. Not yet. 

Once the credits began scrolling up the screen, Jensen shut off the TV before sighing, “Thank God; it’s finally over. Took forever.” Then, he immediately removed his own shirt, throwing it onto the floor and made to undo his pants, to make things a little easier for Jared, before realizing that Jared still hadn’t moved.

He froze up and said, “Dude.” No answer. “Jared.” Still no answer. “Hello.” He snapped his fingers in front of Jared’s face to get his attention, but Jared still remained frozen, just staring off into space, as if he hadn’t even noticed Jensen’s presence there. “Hey!” Jensen shook him slightly but still got no reaction.

Then, Jensen grimaced slightly before saying in a casual, almost conversational voice. “So, I’m trying to get Kripke and Misha to have a threesome with me.” 

“What?” Jared said, snapping out of his trance, almost sounding worried that it might be true, the look of utter devastation on his face making Jensen smile slightly. 

“Yeah, you know, for some reason sex with me hold absolutely no appeal for them whatsoever.” 

Jared closed his eyes, in relief, having realized that Jensen was just kidding, before smiling himself and saying, “That’s impossible, Jen.”

“And, why’s that?” Jensen asked, as Jared turned around on his knees and placed his hands on Jensen’s knees in order to open his legs and move even closer to him in between them. 

Then, Jared slid his hands up Jensen’s legs and rested them on his waist before sliding up against him to rest his lips right against Jensen’s, not actually deepening the kiss, but rather smiling against his lips. 

“Because…sex with you…holds appeal for every living creature on this planet…anyone and everyone would tell you that.”

“I know, right,” Jensen said, making them both smile and then he went down to undo his pants, but Jared grabbed his hands to stop him and said, “No, no…please…allow me.” 

That made Jensen smile and he relented, sitting back and just watching Jared proceed on. 

Jared slid his hands down to rest on either side of Jensen groin as he bent his head down and caught the zipper between his teeth. He tugged it down to open it, but then tugged it back up to close it in order to teaser Jensen.

Jensen stiffened up--every little bit of him--in response to this beautiful torment, as Jared continued on, repeating that very thing over and over again until Jensen finally whined, in a slightly higher voice than usual, “Oh, damn it, Jared, just do it. Please, God, do it. Otherwise…I’m gonna…gonna…”

“You’re gonna what?” Jared challenged, now teasing Jensen’s zipper with the tip of his tongue.

“I’m not gonna put out no more.” Jensen said, sounding like a child.

“Ouch. My one weakness. Dear God, you really kicked me where it hurts. I cannot have that.”

Then, he went on to oblige, undoing Jensen pants and removing them completely. “You…are an evil…evil man, has anyone ever told you that?” Jared asked, making his way back up to Jensen’s groin.

“Oh, you bet your ass I do; all the time. That’s my specialty.”

“What; being evil?”

“No, being evil in bed.” 

“Must be why you’re so damn amazing, then.” Jared guess, now going to remove Jensen’s boxers, but stopping cold.

He slightly opened the flap and stuck his tongue in to give Jensen’s groin one long intense stroke, making Jensen grunt in surprise, hardly expecting that out of him. 

“Jared,” he grunted, struggling to remember how to breathe, having to repeat the process in his head. Something about…in and out and in and out and out and…out, I think? 

Definitely wasn’t the only thing he wanted to in and out of him repeatedly, that was for sure. Oh, God.

Now, Jared had slid his hands into Jensen’s boxers to rest on his bare skin as he continued to lick and suck on and tease Jensen’s groin until Jensen could not take it anymore.

“Damn it, Jared!” He smacked the back of Jared’s head, making him look up in surprise, before saying, “Would you just…effing do it! My God.” 

Then, he grabbed Jared’s head and roughly slammed it onto his groin, shifting his weight upward so that it immediately went into Jared’s mouth, making Jared lose all will to tease. 

He was now ready to take and have Jensen in absolutely every way possible. He used his teeth to open the flap even wider and readjusted himself so that Jensen was now completely in his mouth.

Jensen’s fingers played with Jared’s hair as he did this, and Jensen actually pressed Jared’s head further and further against it, his breath now coming out in short and desperate gasps.

And, God help him, that was not the only thing coming out of him right now. 

Jared now bit down, making Jensen scream his name in response, and he dug his nails passionately into the skin right beside Jensen’s groin, before turning his arms so that the back of his forearms were now against Jensen’s skin.

Jared stuck his hands out through the top of Jensen’s boxers, and then reached out to grab the bottom of his boxers and pulled them all the way up the top so that he was holding them in two bunches in his hands. 

Then, he lifted his head regretfully from Jensen’s groin and smirked up at him mischievously, some of Jensen’s remains on his lips. 

Jared sucked the last of it off of Jensen, but didn’t actually swallow it, rather licking a trail up Jensen’s chest, leaving a trail of it following wherever his lips went.

He made his way up to kiss Jensen so that he could have a taste of it as well, then sticking his finger, which was covered with it, into Jensen’s mouth so that he would have to suck it off, before now going back down to suck off the trail he had made.

Jared immediately had to grip Jensen tightly to stop him, before saying, “Wait. Hold on. Not…just…yet.” 

Then, he buried his face in Jensen’s thigh, kissing, sucking, Frenching, licking, and biting his way over to Jensen’s other leg, not missing a single inch of skin, except for Jensen’s groin itself. 

By the time he finished with this, Jensen’s boxers were absolutely soaked as a result, so Jared smiled and then sat up to remove them completely, throwing them on the floor with the rest of Jensen’s clothes.

Then, Jared stood up and gestured for Jensen to lie down. When he obliged, too aroused right now to question his motives, Jared then stretched himself out on top of Jensen lovingly, resting one hand on Jensen’s hip, caressing it softly with his fingertip, as he brought his other hand up to touch Jensen’s cheek, brushing the back of his hand against it.

Jensen wrapped his arms tightly around Jared--one around his shoulder, the other around his waist--and he ran his hands up and down Jared’s back, pulling him down closer to him, causing certain things to connect and certain reactions to ensue.

“Oh, God,” Jensen gasped, struggling to not die.

Jared smiled at Jensen and said, “Come here, baby.”

Jensen raised his eyebrows at that. “Did you just call me ‘baby’?”

“Hey, you call me ‘Sammy’; I can call you ‘baby’.” Jared said, now bringing the hand that was resting against Jensen’s cheek up to rest on Jensen’s head, his forearm encircling Jensen’s head and his fingers playing with Jensen’s hair.

Jensen smiled at how amazing he felt right now. “Well, then in that case, I love you, Sammy.”

Jared smiled against Jensen’s lips, “And, I love you…baby.” Then, he deepened the kiss and that turned the conversation to nothing but physical, sexual contact, no more words spoken for the next several hours…unless they were screaming of the other’s name or encouragement for one another.


End file.
